Friday, December 28, 2001

So Fairie Chick got a bass after all, how fucking slinkster cool is that? Anyways, check out this quote *smirk* "A guitarist is by nature an emotional sort of person. I mean, it’s such an emotional instrument, I think it attracts people of a highly sensitive nature, who need to learn to play so they can express that emotion, so it doesn’t drive them crazy" What do you think?
Hanging By A Moment

*sigh* I want to be in love. My dad took me to KFC to get some food (much to my mom's dislike. She wanted to go to Chapala's earlier and he was tired, but bleh, I won't get into that) and I'm slowly trying to eat the whole thing. How nice it would be to be able to eat a whole, normal sized meal! But, my tummy is too small. Did you know that when you don't eat a lot your stomach actually shrinks so that you get fuller faster? Yup. It wouldn't be so bad, not being able to eat a lot, if I were skinny. But I'm not. So. There you go. Bleh.

I wish I were in love. On the drive home that song came on and I'm just like, I want to feel that way about someone, I want to be so head over heels recklessly in love. But, I'm sort of glad I'm not. Because that's how you get hurt. What is it with me and getting hurt? Why can't I just accept that you get hurt sometimes in life, that's just how it goes? Because, I'm superhuman, I don't get hurt. I'm thinking of going down to the Strip on New Years. It'll be so packed, if I dress up no one will ever ID me. I can get wasted from people buying me drinks (or, at least demi-wasted, I still have to get myself home in the morning). Hmmm. I don't know yet, we'll see.

Well, I'm going to go play my guitar. Ooh, my sweet sweet guitar. My uncle is so right, once you get one you fall in love with it and then when you're happy, you play guitar, when you're sad, you go play your guitar, when you're bored, you play your guitar, when you're angry, you play your guitar. My guitar is my new best friend :) Tomorrow I'm going down to Guitar Center to get some more picks, because I don't want to lose my pick some night and be stuck having to use some flimsy ass pansy pick until I can get myself down there. Hmm hmm hmm. It should be fun. There are always sexy chicos and chicas there. yum yum. Adios mis amigos. Pixie
Dreaded Mall

My mom, dad and I pile into my dad's bronco to go pick up my brother from work. Then we headed to the mall (galleria). At the doors we seperated. I headed for Hot Topic, they headed for American Eagle. At Hot Topic they were having a mondo sale on their clearance. I got the black dress with cherries on it. Ten dollars, ten bucks my friend! Oh yeah. They had some other cool stuff, but nothing in my size. Bummer. I also got these tights that are like fishnets but the diamonds are bigger. A pain in the ass to put on, but a cool effect. While there I met this guy, Trevor, not to be confused with Jah Love. I had to ask him to open the dressing room for me. He was all, give me a doller. I was like, I have no money! He sighed and said, women, always making the men do everything. I rolled my eyes. We smiled. So, he opens it for me. As I'm reaching out my arm to grab the curtain he notices my arm. He asks me what happened, I tell him I had a bad day. He said that he used to do that. He asked me what had happened, I told him it was a long story, and he was like, it couldn't have been that bad, you should see some of my days. I smiled at him and said you work at Hot Topic! You get a 40% discount! After I decided to get the dress we talked a little more, he asked me how old I was and stuff, but he had to go do the register. So, I bought my stuff and he said that I should give him my number. I did, he gave me his. Hmmmm. Was he cute? Sorta. Well, he was good looking but in a strange sort of way I guess. I don't know. He had a labret, his tongue pierced, and ears gauged to about a 6g. A goatee. Pretty eyes. So...hmmm. He said I should call him, that he's good to talk to. I don't know if he gave me his number in an "ooh, you're cute give me a call" kind of way or a "you remind me of my kid sister and I want to help you" kind of way. I don't plan on calling him, he can call me and we'll find out. He's older. I'd say 23 or 25.

I also got the Linkin Park CD and a black cuff with rhinestones on it. From Claire's, but it was 2 bucks so I won't complain. I just can't figure out how to buckle it. It's got like, two mini D-rings and gah. I'm hopelessly lost. So, I go to American Eagle, feeling all awkward in my big boots and blackness, my family wasn't there. I go to Anchor Blue, there they are. *sigh* I feel so awkward in my own body. Like, at Sam Goody when I was getting the CD a whole bunch of punkers walked in and I'm looking at them and they're looking at me, and I just feel like I'm being judged. Gah.

I sat on a bench with my mom waiting for my dad and brother. Usually my brother comes to me for advice about clothes and stuff, but I don't want to embarrass him with my big boots and weirdness, so I just stay out of the stores and give him my advice later. I want to get fuzzy black slippers and silky black PJ pants. And a black sweater. I'm hoping to find the later two at Old Navy when I go. My brother might bring a friend with us to Utah. I'm not going to ask to stay behind, I'll only miss a day and a half of being with my uncle and I just can't ask. I've got this thing about...well, it's just hard for me to ask for things because I feel I don't deserve it. haha, I feel I don't deserve to not go to Utah. My parents are all surprised that I don't want to snowboard or ski. I'm really not interested. I just want to play my guitar and read. I'm hoping that my parents will take me to Barnes and Noble to buy a whole bunch of books. Perhaps for the cost that it would have been had I wanted to snowboard or ski. Hehe. I don't mind Ryan (my brother's friend) coming with (although, notice that I wasn't asked if there was anyone that I wanted to bring. Oh well). Actually, I'd prefer it to the alternative (my aunt and little cousin coming. They came with us on the New Mexico/Washington DC/Boston trip a few years ago. Two weeks. It was awful. I love my aunt, I love my little cousin, but a few hours with them is enough. Also, Ryan is a really good guitar player and I'd just feel stupid playing around him. Not stupid enough to make me leave my guitar behind, but pretty stupid nonetheless. Pixie
Don't Go Into A Gay Bar Unless You're Gay

Whew, wild times. I think I'm in love with zwan :) Now, onto my night. So, I sneak out of my house and I'm walking down my street and I see this guy crouched under the streetlight, fixing a remote control car. So, I walk by, we look at each other and smile, because I live in a friendly neighborhood, y'know? As I'm walking away he says, "excuse me" And I'm like "yup?" And he's like "what's your name?" I tell him my name is Brittany. He says, "oh, you're the girl that lives on the corner, right?" I confirm, he introduces himself as Markus. It was so American Beauty-esque. I couldn't see his face, but he had a really sweet voice. Like, just really soft and sweet, almost like a pumpkin pie.

Vivi and Heather and I are hanging out in front of this Taco shop, smoking. We get some people to buy us more cigarettes, yay. This homeless lady comes up and asks for money, Vivi gave her a $20 and she started to cry. It was such a good karma feeling. Finally Nic pulls up with Josh J and Korn. I've never actually met Korn. I've heard about him from Jah Love and Fairie Chick, and seen him around a few times, but I've never really met him. So, Nic was talking to Heather and Vivi and I was talking to Josh and Korn, and Korn was telling me I should go home. I told him I hate to sneak out unless I do something, I need a purpose y'know. And he's like, your purpose tonight was to meet me. Now you've met me, so go get some sleep. *laughs* I couldn't tell if he immediatly liked me or immediatly disliked me, but I think he's cool anyway.

Vivi, Nic, Heather and I walk to Denny's and we're eating and it's all yum. Vivi's sister comes over and eats with us and she's really cool. Vivi lost her cigarette case that had all her money. We're both sitting there going fuck karma! I hope some homeless person finds it, since Vivi would have given them all the money anyway, lol. As we're driving around looking for it (haha, "well, it was very shiny, maybe we'll see it") we see this gay bar that Vivi's sister went into once with her boyfriend. She said it was so crazy, there was a naked guy dancing and he got free drinks all night. So, we send Nic in. The doors are locked. He's walking away and we see someone inside going to unlock the door, so we send him back. He's gone for like, 10 minutes and we're like, ohmygod oh mygod what's going on? Finally he comes out with a guy's phone number. We were just dying laughing and screaming!!! It was so great.

We drop Heather off and go to Wal Mart and Vivi's sister is trying to think of places we could go party where they wouldn't check ID. But...at Wal Mart there was a definite mood shift and we were all, ehh. So, she took me home. Nic couldn't go home till like, 11 this morning so I don't know what he did.

I love love love my guitar. I'm learning to play the star spangled banner, just because it's really easy. But it's really long. Two of my strings are already out of tune. Bah. That sucks. I'm going to the mall today with my dad since Paco just up and went shopping without me. Bastard :) Hmmm, New Years. New Years is the big thing in Vegas for obvious reasons. The Strip gets packed and it's crazy. Last year they were climbing street lights and this guy got electrecuted and fell down. It took forever for an ambulence to get to him. It's really crazy. Robert wants me to go to this party with him, but Heather's talking about going to the party spot (apparently this random place in the desert where they used to go party), so, hmmm. Or I might be going out to dinner with my family, who knows which.

I need to get onto a normal sleeping schedule for school. I also have to do a whole bunch of worksheets for chemistry, and a long report for english. But...but...I've got to go to Rocky this weekend, so that's one night sans sleep, and then...well...you know how it goes with me. It sucks not having a car though. I need to give Nathan a call. I was supposed to hang out with him on Wednesday, but everything's so crazy.Pixie

Thursday, December 27, 2001

Funny Times

Oh gosh, I can't believe the day I had. First of all, to zwan, who are you baby? Why don't you leave me an e-mail adress? Do I know you? Do I not? *sigh* Speaking of Roma's, that beautiful blonde girl, well, I lost her. She was on my film. My film was fucked up. No more pictures. Vivi's birthday pictures are gone. *sigh* I wonder what else was on there. So...this morning. I don't know, I started writing earlier and I had other things to talk about. S came over and tuned my guitar, but my low E is already out of tune and I can't do a damn thing about it. Bummer. She left in a hurry though, because well, my parents wouldn't have approved.

I was getting weird phone calls though, from my grama. She calls around 2 wanting to know my brother's birthday and social security number. I gave it to her, not even thinking. She called later on wanting his birth certificate and a recent picture of him. She also said if he called to get his booking number. I say okay and get the requested materials. She said she'd be over to pick 'em up. So, I go online and ask my brother what his booking number is, we ponder because we're both fucking confused. He tells me to make sure I give her a good picture of him. So, I shrug and grab my guitar. She gets there, I give her the materials and say "oh, by the way, I went online and asked him what his booking number was, and he says he doesn't know". My grama and aunt look at each other and go whaa....? I go online and my grama tells me to ask him if he's in jail. I do. He says no he's at work. The story comes out:

Around 2 my grama got a collect call from someone who sounded just like my brother, saying he was my brother, saying he was in jail, he did something stupid and he needed $2000 for bail. So, my grama calls my aunt the stripper, who has cash on her of course, and they go off on an adventure downtown looking for him. He's not there. Well, hmmm, he'd probably be in juvy, so they go to juvy, he's not there and they think, hmmm, he must have used a fake ID. So, that's why they needed a birth certificate and picture - to prove that he was under 18 and belonged in juvy.

Well, my aunt has a crazy stalker guy that she had a restraining order on, and that's who we're thinking, but she was at his house with him when my grama called. So who knows. But it was crazy. So, we all went out to dinner. I got clam chowder, it was yummy.

Now I'm home and sleepy, but Vivi wants me to go out tonight with her, Heather, Nic, and possibly Bob. We'll see. I'm going to the mall tomorrow, I want to get this dress at Hot Topic that's on sale, I also want to get some shoes. I was thinking go go boots, I'm not sure. There used to be this trashy shoe store, I hope it's still there because if the boots are too expensive then I'm going to get ridiculously tall platforms. That's how I've always been, I want wild crazy shoes.

Blah blah blah, blah blah. I'm going now. Mmhm. Adios. Pixie
Blah

I tried to sleep. I couldn't. I'd go to Roma's but they're closing now if they hadn't already. I really feel like talking to someone, I even went online, and I hardly ever go online. But no one was on. I looked for some new diaries to get hooked on, it just wasn't working though. I mean, I read 8 diaries right now, and I'll read two more once I remember their URL's, isn't that enough? Too many people pay people to make their templates. Fuckin a, html just isn't that hard and all the diaries look the same and it makes me sad.

I think I'll go play my guitar some more. I'm so typical sometimes. !5 years old. Brown hair, brown eyes. Scars. I smoke, I drink, I play guitar, I draw. Actually, I should go sketch something. I started something, but it didn't turn out cool, so I left it. I wrote Nick a postcard. It has the lyrics to Glycerine on it. It's a girl and guy kissing in this crowd. Very cool. I don't want his girlfriend to see it and hate me though, because of the lyrics, so I put in a little "Give Carla and your dad hugs from me". Yeah, *laughs* like that'll make her not hate me. Whatever. Oh. I think I'll go write Brandon a letter. I called him the other day. I just called and hung up because his mom answered. If he had answered I probably would have talked to him. *shrugs* I don't know, I'm not sure. But I think I'll go write him. Or play my guitar. Blah. Pixie

Wednesday, December 26, 2001

Tears Of Beautiful Nothings

My hand hurts. Too much guitar for me, I think. I'm learning Wish You Were Here by Incubus. It's a pretty easy song. So, I'm not going out with Vivi. Just not in the mood. Found out that Paco's mom has breast cancer. She had a tumor removed and they've got to do chemotherapy and then they'll check to see if the cancer has spread. Paco almost got arrested. Him and his sister, Meghan, went down to Lake Mead to party, and there were three kids that were already there. One got mad and left, and then called the cops. So, the cops come and they made Paco's crowd pour out all their alchohol, which was a lot. And then they seperated the over 18's and the under 18's. They called Paco's parents and busted him for being out after curfew. His parents aren't really mad. He only had two Smirenoff Ice's, so yeah. But the two chicas he was with were already drunk and their parents grounded them for two weeks. But, these are two twins, and I've never known them not to be grounded, so no biggie.

Then the Nutcracker was on PBS and I was watching it. My mom asked me if I was going to start dancing again. I said no. She said that she had thought I had said I missed. I said I did, but it's too depressing to go. The Nutcracker was beautiful. But, I only watched it for about five minutes (just long enough to see the fight against the rat king, the pad de duex of the Nutcracker and Mara, and then what I believe was the beginning of the Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies. I'm not familiar enough with the ballet to say), then I started to cry. The phone rang, it was Julio so I left. I can't handle watching ballet. That's such shit. So...I talked to him. He was drunk and I was just crying and mad and angry so I hung up with him. Vivi called and could tell something was wrong and was like "no no, go to bed, we'll party some other time." So...I busted out my guitar and started learning I Wish You Were Here, until my hand hurt too much to continue.

My brother went to the mall and got me a 20 dollar gift certificate to Sam Goody. Bah. I mean, I think it's cool and all, but...first of all, he only gave it to me because he felt guilty. He felt obligated to get me something because I got him something. Second of all, gift certificates are so impersonal. They're the "I don't know what to get you but I have to get you something so here" present. Third of all, if it had been to like, Barnes and Noble or something then I'd be like, okay well you know, he thought about me. But it's to Sam Goody. I own like, 20 CD's, and 18 of those are CD-R's that I copied. So...bah. I mean, sure, it's cool, I'll spend it...but. Ehh. Y'know.

I'm going to go now. Yeah. I really want to get shitfaced, but I haven't got anyone to get shitfaced with and I don't want to do it here because knowing me I'd be loud and stupid and wake my family up and it would all just go downhill from there. I need more cigarettes. Pixie
Nick And Jason


So, last night was really...strange. At 10 I was trying to call them, it was busy. I picked up the phone to call again, but there was no dial tone. Nick had been calling me. Neato. So...we made plans for them to pick me up in 20. I was going to get *all* dressed up, but decided to just go for the standard black pants, black top, sweater, boots. At first I was just like, oooh, Jason's got a nice little Mustang. Now I'm like, uhhhhh, Jason's got a sexy little Mustang. Trust me, his car is one sexy bitch. We're trying to figure out where to go when I realize that they had expected me to make plans. We drive by Roma's, they're closed. It's 11 o'clock on Christmas, of course it's fucking closed. So then we just drove around trying to think of something to do. Eventually we just went to this elementary school and parked. I hugged them and stuff. It was cool, we were just talking and they were giving me funny looks and giving each other funny looks and finally I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Nick looks at me and goes, you're hot, that's what. Apparently they didn't expect me to be hot, because, after all, they thought I was hot back in middle school (actually, Jason wanted me and Nick is my ex, after all), but my look and attire the other day at the store convinced them that I wouldn't be :/ I told them, I don't change. *laughs* I always look the same. Jason and Nick have really changed. Obviously they have physically. Nick used to be a sexy bitch, now he's okay. Jason pretty much just looks like Jason, actually. Sperm Girl wasn't there because they said something about her statitory rape boyfriend and pissed her off. Nick and Jason both have girlfriends, Nick for about a year, Jason for about 8 months. That's so insane.

Eventually I had to pee (hey, I'm a chick), so we finally figure out how to get to this gas station (Vegas streets are fucked up) and I go to the restroom. When I come back the car is all weird. Hmmm. Then we're just driving because we haven't got a place to go. We try to find a Denny's they're closed. By now it's 2am and we're like, it's not Christmas anymore, you should be open you dumbfucks! Jason wanted to find a place that would sell him cigarettes so we went to all these gas stations. (It was quite amusing. I pull out my Marlboro's, they pull out their Black and Mild's, we all look at each other and go when did you start smoking?). So, while Jason is running in and out of stores I'm asking Nick why is he so bummed out. I left the car and the entire mood changes, y'know? And first he tells me he's not. Next stop he says it's because sometimes he wonders if he should come back to Vegas. Next stop he asks if I want to know the truth. Of course. So he tells me that he wonders if leaving Vegas was a mistake because he still likes me and misses me and seeing me just makes it that much worse. Hmmm. Finally Jason finds a place. Not only will they sell tabacco to minors, oh no, they gave him three packs. Free. I guess Jason knows the guy. I should have gotten him to get me some more cigarettes. *shrugs*

We went and parked at a park. Took the top down, kept the heater on. The moon was looking awesome. Just like, this huge yellow orb in the sky that didn't belong in Las Vegas's sky. Like, we are not worthy. The more I sneak out, the more time I spend outside at night, the more I really love the moon. It's just so beautiful and it's so everything. I bet it feels out of place too. I hate sneaking out in the dark of the moon, because I feel like it's not their to protect me. I know it sounds like I'm rambling, but really.

Finally they took me home. I was so disoriented as to where we were until I saw the Strip. Ahhh, the Strip. The one way to know where you are. Like a North Star Vegas style. *laughs* So, they take me home, I didn't get caught. Damnit. Now I remember where my fishnet and tight tops are. *smacks head* I left them at Robert's. Fuckin' a. Well then.

I guess Nick will call me some time today so we can talk. The thing is, we had something good, he moved, and that was sort of that. Just a major bummer. But it happens. And every time he comes to town it's like, I don't know. It brings back old feelings y'know and you're left wondering what to do. But, the fact still remains that he lives in Montana, and that's sort of that. He would never leave his dad, and chances of his dad moving to Vegas are quite slim. So, we remain just friends, and I try not to get too involved because he has his girlfriend, that he's had for a year, and I refuse to fuck up their relationship. She writes him letters that he keeps with him, that I'm not allowed to read. Understandable. But that just tells you about their relationship.

I saw her picture, she didn't look that pretty. Somehow I just expected Nick to have a really beautiful gorgeous unstoppable girlfriend. But, she's not. She's just normal. Nick said it was a bad picture, but she's cute in a cute sort of way. So, they took me home. Here I am. I gotta call S. today and see if she'll come tune my guitar. And call Robert...and wait for blogger to start working (wasn't just me, apparently, there was a security breach, go figure). Pixie

PS: unnn...now Vivi wants to go out tonight. I was going to sleep tonight! But I'm only going if we find someone to go with. Nic is in cognito somewhere and Bob can't. So...we need new guy friends. I'm not losing sleep just to hang out with Vivi at Roma's. And I need more cigarettes. Fuck it's cold. My guitar is so good and sexxyyy. Mmmm. Yum. I can play the intro to Laterulus (tool), Volcanoe Girls (Veruca Salt), and I can do the intro for A Place for My Head (linkin park) (not quite up to speed...but y'know) and the rest is pretty easy so i'm learning that. I'm bad ass.

Tuesday, December 25, 2001

It Wouldn't Be Christmas Unless...


*my 34 year old stripper aunt didn't act like a child
*my grama didn't put mucho stress on everyone to be perfect
*my brother didn't get pissed at the family
*my mom and I got so exhausted we practically fell down
*I had to hold myself back from crying

Bleh...bleh bleh bleh. We just got back from my grandma's house. I'm so tired. Let's se...we got there...we hung out...we ate. We exchanged gifts. We also spent about three hours watching my aunt's stupid video. She just went to Japan on a magic tour, being Val Valentino's assistant (he's the masked magician dude that reveals all the secrets on Fox), and she made a video. Two hours of shit we didn't want to see and three hours of her drunk and singing. She acted like a small child, me me me. We kept leaving the room and she kept bringing the video. That's just the kind of person she is.

She also got pissed because my uncle Angel (married to my aunt Joan) tried to pick up his own plate. Oh no. It's common knowledge that very few people are allowed to touch these dishes. Wedgewood china. My aunt said to my uncle "the only people allowed to touch these dishes are the people who are going to inherit them". And it's common knowledge that my aunt Brenda can't touch them. Only my mom can (I'm not sure if Joan can). Since Brenda thinks they're hers...well, yeah.

My brother and I were quite tired. I had to try to not cry tears from my tiredness. I was ready to go home long long before we left. We were there for five hours. It really is too much time with my family. It just is. *sigh* So, my brother is gone now. He's at his friend's house. Nick and Jason stopped by today. Last night in bed I desperatly tried to remember Nick's number (which, I haven't called for years), and it came to me. Can you believe it? So I called him and we arranged to do something tonight. I'll sneak out. Sperm Girl is coming too, I wonder how that will go. Hmmm.

So, that was sort of it. I got a gold chain, a paper fan, and a little music jewlery box. My mom got pearl earrings, but she gave them to me. See, okay, this is the story. A long long time ago my grandmom went to Ireland (we are, after all, Irish), and found some gorgeous clover earrings. So, she bought four pairs. One for each of her daughters, and one for herself. Now, there are only two pairs left. My mom's, and mine (which were originally my grandmom's). This year, she bought four pairs of pearl earrings. One for herself, and one for each of her daughters. Thing is that my mom already has a pair almost identical to the ones my grama gave everyone. So, my mom gave me her's. My aunt's psycho stalker that she's not supposed to talk to gave my grama this diamond and topaz necklace, which I rather like and looks excellent on me. My grama doesn't know if she's going to return it to the jewler's (it doesn't suit her), or give it back to him. But we all have to wonder if she's secretly planning on giving it to me.

Hmm...so yeah, I guess that's it. Pixie

PS: Hmmm, that's curious. Someone changed my blogger password. I don't know how that could be, since I don't even know how to change it. I know I didn't do it becuase I don't know how and it was something I'd never change it to. I hope it was an accident...becuase, well, yeah.
Good Morning

I got a guitar, an amp, new strings, a sketchbook, and some pencils. It is the most kikass Christmas ever. My brother got some neato little nicknacks for his desk at work (a mini voodoo doll, a calender of stupid stuff people say, just stuff like that) and $300 worth of gift certificates to the mall. Swoosh, that's a lot of money. I know I didn't cost them that much, but I don't really fucking care. This is great :) If only I know a jewish or johovah witness guitar player to tune my guitar :( Pixie

Monday, December 24, 2001

PS: all my girlie parts are still sore. This is very uncool.
Merry Christmas

Or Yule, or hannukah, or kwanza, or whatever it is that you celebrate. This morning my mom woke me up after just 6 hours of sleep. *groan* I helped wrap presents. My brother is a horrible present-wrapper, so it's always just my mom and I. Then we went a'shopping. It was amusing. We're all, "meet you back here in fifteen minutes" and we'd accidently pass each other and avert our eyes. I got my brother and mom presents. Not as much as I wanted to give, but enough. Considering my horribly low income...you take what you can get, y'know?

So...we did all of our Christmas errands and came home and wrapped more presents. We went to pick up my brother from work. Got ready to go to my aunt's house. My brother feels like a loser because he knows I got him and my mom stuff and he didn't get anyone anything. I told my mom this would happen. I'm like, I don't want him to feel bad, I don't want him to feel obligated to get me a present. That's not what Christmas is about. But he does. Blah. My mom joked that he should feel bad seeing as he has $9,000 in the bank and I had 25 bucks to my name. Hehe.

So...we go to my aunt's house. There is this stupid dispute about my shoes. What shoes should I wear? My mom didn't like the options I gave her to choose for me. I said fuck that shit and wore my sandals. Aunt's house...far away...went in and out of sleep in her car. It's oh so far away. She pulls out a puzzle for my mom and I to work on. That's our things, puzzles. Around 8 I fell asleep on the couch until my dad got there and we got to work on the presents. I got a necklace and earrings, 45 dollars, 25 bucks for Old Navy, a Power Puff Girl's watch, a Power Puff Girl's bag. Unnn. See, last year I was all about the PPG. It was just because of the people I hung out with. So...it was cool to get me PPG stuff. Now, none of my friends even know that my nickname used to be Bubbles or why. So...whatever. I don't really care. Then we came home.

Bulemic Brittany. That's what my family is calling me now. My brother was saying how I never eat and I'm anorexic and then when I pointed out that I had some chili (well, not really, I had a few spoonfulls and then threw it away, but he doesn't know that), he said "oh that's right, you just go throw it up afterwards". Gah. See, last Christmas was really hard on my mom. All this Pixie has mental problems shiznit. And we had had dinner together like, three nights in a row. Once at our house, once at my grama's, once at my aunt's. All three nights I said I wasn't feeling well and barely touched my food. The fourth night, at this same aunt's house, my mom got all teary eyed when I said I wasn't hungry and said she couldn't handle an anorexic daughter so would I please eat? So...it's a little joke at that house. Before we left my family cleaned up my aunt's kitchen, and there was a baby food jar for my cousin's kid. I handed it back to her and she goes "oh, don't you know? Adrian told me to leave it there for you, because it would be easier to throw up after you ate it". Haha. Bulemic Brittany. That's so funny. I'm not even skinny. I just don't like to eat.

That was basically my day. Oh, wait. These two guys followed me home from the grocery store. I think it was Jason (Sperm Girl's cousin) and Nick (my ex-boyfriend, Sperm Girl's ex-boyfriend, currently lives in Montana). I don't know. I was so freaked out I just ran back into my house before I could really find out who they were. *laughs* I know, it's silly, but knowing two guys you don't recognize followed you home is sort of freaky.

So, now I'm going to bed. We opted to celebrate in the morning. I wanted to open presents tonight. Grrr. Now I want to wake up at 5am just to piss people off. But my brother always wakes up first. Pixie

Sunday, December 23, 2001

The Brady Bunch

Proof that my family is fake. Today, we get a call from Jaimie. Jaimie is my mom's good old friend that we never ever see. Probably what you'd call a best friend, that we never ever see. Her and her husband, Mohamed, are in the neighborhood, can they stop by? Sure. The second my mom hangs up she yells "oh my god, clean the house!" I dryly point out to her, "Adrian and I just finished our chores, the house is clean". But, we still all go on a rampage. Get the laundry out of the living room, put away all the shoes, clean up the bedrooms, take out the garbage and old newspapers, fix the cushions and put away sweaters and jackets. Just all this stuff. Put some tea and coffee on. They arrive, my mom shows off the back patio, we all sit down. My dad offers them coffee and he goes and gets our new cups and saucers. Then he arranges a plate of cookies (my aunt brought over cookies this morning, so we just happened to have some) along with dessert plates. Our new plates, of course. I think it's the funniest, most absurd thing I've ever seen. Those cups and saucers will never be used again (we like regular cups that you can fit a coke into, ya'know). It's been this long since we've seen them: Jaimie asked me when I got my braces off. I got my braces off in eighth grade.

It was a good visit. We all love Jaimie and Mohamed. They're great. Their kids are...okay. It's just, they're Muslim, they're hardcore Muslim. My brother and I...well, we're not. Last time I saw them was a few years ago at a surprise birthday party for Jaimie, and the girls had it in their head to play truth or dare. I smirked and agreed. Some girl was there that was in my fourth grade class that recognized me. Well...let's just say after that game I got a little talk from my mom about what is and isn't inappropriate to say and do around their kids. *ahem* My bad.

After they left we're like, hmmm...why did they stop by? My mom pulls out a wad of cash. What could that be from? Oh, Jaimie gave it to her. For what? Well, when I was in second grade I played the flute for a few months before I got bored with it. Well, then one of their kids (there's two, Talia and Lana) decides they want to play the flute, so we give it to them. Jaimie wanted to pay my mom for it but we're like, pshaw, what do we care? Well, on a trip the flute was lost, insurance paid them, and they couldn't feel right about taking the money since they never even bought the flute. Three hundred. Neato, eh? So, I just had to tell ya'll about how crazy my family is. We were the brady bunch for a while.

I showed off my closet to my dad. He said it was cool but he didn't like the dyke section. I've got a picture up (http://www.thesegirlfriendsofmine.com) and my upside down triangle rainbow sticker. I said, yeah, but I like it. He sighed and said I know. Fuck him. Pixie
The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Well well well. Let me grab my journal so I can just type up what I wrote last night. Yesterday nothing much happened until Kristen called me. SO, I met her at Wal-Mart. We talked and walked and stole stuff, then got hungry and headed to Carl's Jr. She's reading aloud from Cosmo, it's a part of the mag where they take all the good parts of a trashy romance novel. So, she's reading it, trying not to let people hear what she's saying. It didn't work very well. She'd be all like "I was naked, except for my panties and bra "she still had her wig on here, so that's a lie" says I), I groaned, feeling his glorious manhood...uh...damn, this is a good sandwhich". *laughs* Just as we're winding down I look outside and see a very tall figure. Hmmm. I see their pants and say, hmmm, Jessy has those pants. ohmygodit'sjessy! So, we run out and call her over. Kristen leaves and it's just me, Jessy, and her little sister Wendy. They walk me home, on the way we run into my mom who says she'll give them a ride home if I help with dinner.

So, I'm chopping veggies and when I'm done I go over to Jessica, who is on my comp. She's watching these really funny animations (www.threebrain.com), so I sit down on her lap and we're watching and it's fucking funny. COol. THen my mom walks through the room and is like "Brittany! that is entirely inappropriate! Get your own chair!" It took me a minute to realize what she was saying because it's so normal for me and Jessy to act like that. Well, really, for me and anyone to act like that. She makes me feel so dirty, like she caught me having sex. Ugh. So, she takes them home and we opt to go out to dinner and check out Barnes and Noble. I got this little book filled with pictures. I have a whole bunch of them covering my closet, along with the postcards. It's almost covered completely and looks really kickass. If I ever leave, my closet door comes with.

So, I go to Rocky last night (of course of course! Are you surprised?) and Nathan was there which was cool. But he had something he's been wanting to tell me, but could only tell me in person. So I'm like, hmm, okay. We sit down on a bench and he's talking to me. I guess I was the cause of his little bout with depression last month. Unnn. Because I was like, the closest thing to the girl he wanted. But...I'm 15, and I live in a different city, and y'nkow, I'm bad with relationships. So...unnn, I don't know, I don't like thinking that a girl like me could be what some guy has been looking for. I don't like to think that I could cause someone to be depressed :(

Vivi showed up, wheee! She got sacrificed. Lots of fun stuff. The show was...ehh...well, we thought it was going to be cancelled but they ended up doing it. They had a new guy playing Brad and I'm like, well then, that must have been what I looked like playing Janet. Some girl I'd never seen was Janet. I've decided that while I love love love seeing Marshall play Frankenfurter more, Sarah's better at it. But, it's all good. At the begining Mickey stripped and Vivi was like "oh my, she's taking off her shirt, she's taking off her shirt. She's taking off her underwear now. Is there a lot of nudity here?" I told her the truth, "not more than you'd see on TV". Mickey revealed her electrical tape-covered nipples and Vivi looks at me and goes "which channel??" *laughs*

Afterwards Vivi had to go home and Robert and I were like, hmmm, we should do something. And no one was at his house so we're like, okay, we'll go there. But he lived super far away so we asked Nathan for a ride and he gave it to us. I would have rather walked because I hate being a burden to people, but it was cold and Robert lives far away. So...we get into his room and the lights are all red and almost immediatly we're both undressed. I grabbed a condom, and he's going down on me and fingering me and I'm like let's fuck already! See, apparently I'm supposed to open the condom. Well, I didn't get that memo. Oh, and by then the lights were blue (he's got blue lights and red lights and I'm like, hmmm, I don't like red so he puts on blue). Well, Robert is yum yum yummy. It's just like, unnn, I can't comrehend it. (unnn is my new thang, I'm sure it's annoying, sorry). Afterwards we just lay together and talked, going in and out of sleep. Around 5am we decided to try it again but it hurt too badly. Ouchie. Why is it so painful? I don't know. So, I started to give him head, but I get nervous :( Why don't I have the same zest of "I will do this right if it kills me" that I had with Jah Love? Probably because I'd just rather have sex. We tried to have sex again, with lube, but...it just hurt. So, I start to jack him off but my arm is tired so I'm like, hmmm, you jack off for me. *laughs* He thinks I'm weird. I don't know, I like to watch guys masturbate. It probably just goes with my whole watching people thing. So, he comes on my stomach and it was so warm and like, personal I guess. He wipes it off and we lay down and...fell asleep. Until 7 am! *groan* NOt the plan at all. SO, we try to call a cab but the cell keeps cutting out, so he gets this guy who is sleeping on their couch to agree to take me home after he showers. Robert falls asleep, I let him. The guy takes me him. He's a gay guy in his 30's and was really nice and cool. I didn't get caught.

I didn't plan on going to sleep, since it was 8 when I got home. Well, I did, and didn't wake up till 2. That doesn't look good, but my parents weren't home when I woke up, so yeah. My brother sends me to Carl's Jr. to get food. It took forever for me to put my order in, and I was talking to Vivi about what happened and everyone's giving me weird looks but, whatever. I needed to tell someone. I called Fairie Chick and her dad let me talk to her for five minutes, but she couldn't give me any advice becuase her dad was right next to her.

Hmmm, I don't know. I just really like Robert. And I really like the good sex that comes with liking Robert. I asked Gama what he thought, and he has no clue why it hurts me. Maybe I've just got a weird body. Oh, btw, we did use condoms, in case you were wondering. My uncle was like, did you? Duh, of course. And he's like, well people do stupid things and I'm like, well, when it comes to that I don't. Everything's just going around in my head. Lying naked in bed with Robert, curled up with him, it wasn't awkward at all. With Jah Love, our bodies just didn't fit right together. I feel...not ugly around Robert. It's not that I feel beautiful around him or anything, it's just like, I feel that everything around him is beautiful, so just by being there with him I'm not ugly. I've never really felt like that before.

I've got bruises on the inside of my thighs from his hip bones. I expected them. A long long time ago on Scarleteen some girl was worried because she had bruises on the inside of her thighs, and a whole bunch of people were like, that happens a lot when you're with a skinny guy. Robert's skinny. I'm going to adios now. I've got to clean. I was supposed to do something with Nathan today, but that was before I slept in until 2 pm, and I'm supposed to start my chores at 4:30. Grrr. And tomorrow I'm going to my aunt's house. It's so stupid. We were sitting around trying to decide if we were going or not and my dad works late, so we weren't going to go, but my dad's all like, I'll just pick you up after work. So, now we're going. Pixie