Saturday, November 24, 2001

I Feel Good

I was feeling really really bad today. I just shut myself into my little room, and then Nic called but my abuela was on the phone so I called him later. He sounds so different on the phone! And so we three wayed Vivi and four wayed Bob so we could figure out if we were going to do anything today. Those three cheered me up so awesomely, I was laughing so hard, they're great. So, after much ado about nothing, we decided to go bowling. I asked my mom, she didn't even look at me when she said no. I asked her why (and I never ask why, so that just expresses how shocked I was) and she said because we had family in town. *sigh* So...I told them and we were all bummed out because we had all gone through a lot of work damnit. Like, Vivi isn't even allowed to talk to boys on the phone so she was going to say she had to work on an English project and come to my house and we were going to take the bus there. And then Nic changed his work schedule (he was supposed to go in at 12 but he switched it so he didn't have to go in until 6, but I'm not supposed to know that, hehe) and Bob...well, Bob does jack shit because he's a loser dropout with no job and no car. But that's why we love him, right? So...I'm in a better mood. Sorta. pixie
Betrayl

I'm feeling really betrayed right now. The person who was looking at my site yesterday has been confirmed, at least in my mind. For those of you not in the know someone came to my blog yesterday, twice, and racked in about 15 page views each visit. Their server? www.lvrj.com. How does this tie into anything else right now? Well, because my brother happens to work for lasvegas.com, in an lvrj building. It could be an entire coincidence that someone who works with my brother just happened to find my website (they came from my old homepage) and read my entire online journal. But...coincidences have never really been my favor. If it's not my brother, I'll be really relieved, but if it is...then I feel really betrayed. I'm on his mac all the time. All the time. At least twice a week I'll use his computer. I've gone on his computer when he's had his e-mail program open, I've been on his computer when he was looking at websites, I've been on his computer when he's had instant message windows open, and you know what I do? I quit and I minimize and I've never looked at anything. I've never touched a file or a document (save for mp3s and aimster), not ever. In the whole long while he's had his comp. So, the fact that he'd go and find my online journal (understandable) and actually read most of it (not understandable) leaves me feeling betrayed and angry. Grrrr. So, bleh. I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I know he reads some online journals, so maybe he's an addict like me, but I don't find my life terribly interesting (although I do know that some people read this religiously and I think that's cool, but come on, would you want to read the life of your sister, would you? I wouldn't). So, I've got to consider the fact that he has sinister plans. Always expect the worse, eh? My uncle suggested that I get a new journal and password protect it, and then people can apply for permission. But I know my brother, if he really wanted to he could get into that too, and I don't think that's fair to anyone that reads this. And it goes against all my principles of trust. I think that I should be able to trust people, using a password on my journal just screams that I can't. I've still got faith in people. So, blah.

Also, I lost my spanish packet. I don't know where it could be. It's not like I took it out to work on it (haha, that'd be funny), and I know that I didn't turn it in. It was due Tuesday, but it was okay to turn it in on Wednesday (due dates are really fuzzy with some of my teachers). I wasn't at school on Wednesday (although after school I stopped by my spanish teacher's room to buy a candy bar, but still, I was absent on that day), so I figure I can turn it in on Monday. I sat down to read Bust for 2 stories, and then said I'd do my spanish homework until it was done or until an hour and a half passed up, whichever came first, but that's hard to do when it's not there. Bah humbug.

But, ooh, I talked to my uncle today, and Rie (his girlfriend) too. The other day I talked to him and Jeff (the next door neighbor) which put me in a pretty good mood. We talked about my grades and stuff and I'm just like, kind of happy actually that my grades suck, because now I *have* to try my hardest and do my best. I don't have a choice about it. My uncle said he could see what I was saying. I talked to Julio for a bit yesterday but I went to sleep very early (and my body let me sleep for 9 hours, hallelujah. It's really depressing when I can sleep in but my body only lets me sleep oh, 7 hours anyway. I'm like, go back to sleep you fuckhead, don't you know any better?). Our bet is still on very strong. I told my uncle about it, he laughed. I can do it. Julio's cousin says that I don't have a chance. The kid has only kissed one girl, after all, how do I think that I can get into his pants? Well, I have faith in myself. And, if he wins he's allready decided his prize. I've got to dress up like a little school girl (his fetish) (fairie chick, can I borrow your white knee-highs?) and give him a lapdance (just because I said I never have, and because I said I never would) and do all these things he knows will embarass me. If by some small chance he does win, it'll be good-natured fun, I'm sure. But...I won't let him, I can't I can't. I don't want to give someone a lapdance. Noooo! So, we'll see how it pans out. I've got till my 16th birthday (march 30). I'm so confident. I can see exactly how it'll happen. I know, I sound like a cocky little bitch but come on, I've got to be cocky about something and not just my cooking. I'm all giddy, I love a challenge. I'm almost worried that he'll win, because he's just as confident as I am, so I'm almost worried. And the fact that he's gone this long without doing *anything* (his aunt and cousin and everyone else all proclaim that it's by choice), well, it makes a girl wonder. But...I'm a pixie, I'm a paperdoll, I'm a cartoon (sorry, I'm suffering from Ani Difranco mp3 withdrawl). I can do just about anything.Pixie

Friday, November 23, 2001

Wow, Look At That

I just checked out my site stats, it's been a while. One person has read my entire journal, I'm assuming (like, 20 or 30 page views), and their server is questionable, so I'm hoping that it all turns out okay. But I just learned something new. Check it out: if you click on Pictures or Photo Album or whatever the little linky on the bottom says you go to the place and you see three photo albums and you're like hmm, that's nice. But, hey, guess what? If you look at the topish on the leftish you see "Pictures" in orangish letters. There are two selections under that. "Displaying Albums" or "Show Pictures (17 Photos". If you click on the Show Pictures you can find the album that I thought had disappeared, featuring me pre-high school days. Interesting, ehh? pixie
Dance Like No One Is Watching

This'll be quick and short, I promise. And if anyone didn't notice, I went back and finished the post under "pretending to be happy and fine is fun" so you can read about the rest of my hum drum life. I just went to balletalert.com. I was a very active part of their message boards and have been visiting the site for more than two years. However, I hadn't gone in the past few months. I almost feel like it has nothing to offer me. But as soon as I went and started reading and started looking and talking I was like, ahhh! I want to dance! My parents and my uncle and everyone keep asking me do I/when will I start taking classes again. As much as I want to, there are a few reasons why I don't. Like...the money. That's 80 bucks a month that we so do not have. And...it's been so long. I haven't taken a jazz class since August with Jeanette-Neil (pause of silence for her wonderfulness) and a ballet class since May. I know that if/when I go back I'll have so much less ability then I used to have, which wasn't that much in the first place. And lastly, it's so truly depressing to go and do the one thing I love knowing that I can never *really* do it. *sigh*. I do miss dancing oh so much, but...I'm too chickenshit to go back. Not to mention Joey is gone. Not only does he have the sexiest ass I've ever seen, but he was a really great jazz teacher, and I've only ever had really great jazz teachers (Jeanette and even Rachel). When I had Michelle as a ballet teacher (and she was a pretty good ballet teacher), and then went to Cindi, who...drove me nutso. It was so blah, I didn't even want to dance for the first few classes because I just wanted to pull my hair out and scream "this isn't the kind of class I want to be taking!" Oh, and that's another thing. My old studio doesn't do classes the way I want them to. A ballet class should be an hour and a half long, everyone knows that. Ours are barely an hour. And the girls are so unserious and most of them don't care. I don't even know why they're dancing. I miss the passion I used to see at JNDS. Gah, my dad just came up behind me and grabbed my shoulders and I know it was just to see what I was doing on the comp. I hate that stupid crap. Well, I'm going to go and stop being all blah. I started working on my written journal last night. It's looking hella kick ass.Pixie

Wednesday, November 21, 2001

Pretending To Be Happy And Fine Is Fun

Well...I just got back from the store with my mom. Two hours of shopping. Do you know how hard it is to find strawberries and beef bacon? (We have two Jewish friends coming to Thanksgiving dinner). But alas, we came home triumphiant with strawberries that we paid an arm and leg for, and turkey/beef bacon. Y'know, we're not even cooking the main parts of the meal but somehow we're worried about however we'll have any time. My aunt, who is doing the turkey, is going on a hike tomorrow while we slave away. It's just so hard because of timing. You've got to bake croissants in a cold kitchen. But it takes two hours until you can bake them. And then we've got the pies and stuff to still bake, so ahh. I realize I talk about this a lot but cooking and baking are some of the few things I'm proud of. I like to do it, I'm good at it, and not a lot of people do it. I can't name one other person I've ever met besides my mom who makes croissants from scratch. So, sorry for blabbing so much. Funny line of the day: me:"I wish gramma would make her stuffing, doesn't she make good stuffing?" mom: "that depends on how many drinks she had before she makes it".

So...yesterday. I go to Chemistry and Vivi is there and she comes over and talks to me (as per usual) and is trying to sell me on the idea of Nic. See, I used to like Nic, and her and Bob are convinced that me and Nic would be the perfect couple. I think it's mostly because Nic and Bob are really good friends, and Vivi and I are pretty good friends. And I was just sorta, y'know, I like Nic but...I don't want to get involved right now. I'll handle it myself. Somehow in Vivi language that translates into "Tell Nic to ask me out ASAP!". First break, Nic asks me out. I started to laugh hysterically. Not really at him but just stupidly. He was so cute though! And I was just like, ahhh. Because I don't want to make him feel stupid or feel like shit or anything, or think that I don't like him because I do. He's awesome y'know. So...I conferenced with Duck. He examined my arms and legs to look for any new cuts. None were there. But I just explained to him. I really feel like shit abut myself right now, I so can't handle a relationship. So...he said he'd talk to Nic. Went to Spanish. Paco bitched me out and I bitched him out. In english we had a sub and I didn't do any of my work because I talked to Vivi the entire time. I can't believe she sat us next to each other again. So...we talked about her and Bob and me and Nic and decided we're all going bowling on Saturday. Ahh! Shit, I forgot about that little plan (I was trying to make plans with Nathan and entirely forgot...). After school I go to chemistry for an hour and a half and do two worksheets. Go me. I rock. I came home...took a nap...wrote in my blog...bitched for a while.

Then came Julio. He's just entirely sprung on me and I'm so convinced that's bad. I don't think I can handle a relationship right now. I can't I can't. So why is it that right now everyone wants me? Blah. I hung up with him pretty early, at like, 10 o'clock just because I'm like, ahhh. I don't know if I like him, I'm not sure.

So...today I wake up and I go to school and turn in my mole. I walk to Jack in the Crack and read the Rose and the Beast. Nathan comes and picks me up. It was cool to see him. So, we head to Starbucks and hang out there for a while where I see the pixie girl. Then we go to sunset park and we're hanging out and...I fall asleep. Are we surprised? not at all. I wake up and we started to make out but it was just...I don't know. At Starbuck's he had made a comment comparing two girls he's been with and y'know, I've got that whole irrational fear thing so I was just like, ahhh. So...we just hung out and talked for a while, some making out, but nothing really. And then somehow he started fingering me and then he went down on me and then we were *going* to have sex...but...I just had a super bad feeling about it. I have to listen to my personal instinct. How can I be in touch with myself if I don't? So...we didn't. And he tooke me back to school. I got my report card and came home. My dad was like...well, what are you going to do about it? And I'm like, don't worry, it's not a problem. And he's like, well blah blah you always say that so I was just like fine, I won't say anything at all then. I come home, I go to sleep for four hours. At some point my mom woke me up to get my report card. Then she woke me up and we went shopping for two hours. My mom was very tired, understable, I was quite tired too but I put all the groceries away by myself. Bah. My brother sat in front of his computer. I put on a happy face so my mom figured that I was all happy and asked me to get her dinner...and then to get her a coke...and then to do this and that and I was just about to scream because I was tired, I was tired and tired and I wanted to go lay down and go to sleep or read or relax or something, but...she kept asking me to do stuff. Not that I'm not used to that from her, and not that I'm not used to pretending to be happy fine and cheerful, but sometimes it's such a burden. I talked to Julio for a while. I so enjoy talking to him, he's so great and funny. Hmmm....we'll see what happens I suppose.

This morning I woke up at 7:30am. My mom woke me up and we had a little talk about my grades. She started to cry. She started asking me what happened, what happened? I guess she and my dad were talking and they were thinking maybe she's on drugs...after all, grades fall when you take drugs. You start sleeping more. Fuckin 'a. I mean, jesus fucking christ. Let's see...why would they think I'm on drugs? Why on earth? As far as my mom knows I've only rarely smoked pot and my dad thinks I've never done drugs. I mean...hmm...what would be a more logical answer? Possibly that I was cutting. Duh. Blah. SO, we got up and started our morning. I remembered this morning why cutters don't bake. You can't wear long sleeves. So, it was horrible because I was constantly trying to hide my arm from view. Well, we made lots of good food.

My brother, my god, he pisses me off. He sleeps in until noon (mind you I was up at 7:30 am!) and gets up, eats. My mom asks him to do some kitchen duty when he's done eating. He eats for as long as he can, and then he dissapears to his room. We just asked him to wash some fucking dishes. We had already been up and cooking and on our feet for five hours. He acted like it was the biggest task in the world. My god. So...after we're done making all our food my mom goes to take a shower and leaves me with a list of things to do before I get ready. Well, I do all the things and go to get ready and she was a little annoyed that I was taking so long to get ready. Because I had to do all of her shiznit! But really, we have a good time baking and cooking together. "Oh man, I've got to toast my nuts!" (for my pecan pie)

Well...we go off on our merry way to my aunt's house. The turkey was okay. The gravy sucked. The stuffing was good. I didn't eat the yams or the green beans, but I did help myself to about six glasses of wine. Yum yum. I've been drinking wine ever since I can remember, but I've found that ever since I've started drinking vodka and such my taste for wine has gone down down. Mosel and Sal were there. They're family friends, and Jewish. They are so great and cute, they've been married forever and have the funniest stories. Although Sal had an operation in the summer and he went to go smoke...his legs gave out and he hit his head :/ Kind of put a damper on the evening but, he's fine and we're all good. We came home pretty early, I'm so flipping tired. Gah.

Anything else going on? Not really. I feel good right now. Tired, but good. I'm going on Saturday to take my driving permit test. If I don't go then then I don't get to go until my bro gets his liscence because my parents are so not down with taking us at seperate times. I feel like I'm forgetting something. But I guess it's not important. I'm sooo sleepy but I've got to write in my written journal. Whew. Pixie

She felt their envy and this broke her. The story ended, she couldn't tell the rest, they'd hate her, she had to stop it, she was'nt any good shut up you bad bad girl ugly and you don't deserve any of this - The Rose And The Beast. "Glass"

Well, I did ditch school today. I turned in my sexy mole, saw a sexy gal (Fairie Chick) and headed up to Jack in the Crack. I waited outside for quite some time but didn't notice as I was reading the Rose and the Beast by Francesca Lia Block. Oh, it's a good yummy book, read it (especially if you're a fairie tale dork). First we went to Starbucks and there was this girl. She had short, bleached hair and she was tallish but tiny and I just wanted to put some fairie wings on her. She really looked like a pixie, it was totally shwey (pronounced how it's spelled, it means cool, it's Julio's word and I don't know how to spell it). And then we went to Sunset Park and I fell asleep. Why is no one surprised? And then we messed around and I'll get more into that (along with explaining yesterday) later because I've got to go make shopping lists for tomorrow. My mom and I are going to make a carrot cake, two pecan pies, two strawberry pies, croissants from scratch, stuffed mushrooms, and stuffed strawberries. When we first started thinking and planning we were only going to do the mushrooms, the croissants, and a couple pies. But we're bakers. It's strange to not be so busy on Thanksgiving. So we kinda sorta started promising to make things for my dad's sister's house, which was so not the plan.

I got my report card. I have *ahem*:
Chemistry 1 H: F
Spanish 3 H: D
English 2 H: B
World History H: C
Geometry H: F
PE: C

Spanish and English surprised me, but they cancel each other out. I missed my bus, my dad picked me up, I came home and went to bed. My mom woke me up to get my report card. I didn't even change my position. And then she woke me up again because Anthony called and he needed Cupcake's e-mail addy. Blah. I didn't have a chance to give Fairie Chick her Snake River Conspiracy CD because I slept through her leaving town. Damn, I feel really bad but I'm too tired to care. Now my mom and I have to go shopping for tomorrow. Adios you monkeys. Keep your heads up and remember - do everything I would do and then some. I'll leave you guys with a song by Depeche Mode that found it's way into my Inbox from Julio. It'll explain yesterday with him a bit.

I want you now
Tomorrow won't do
There's a yearning inside
And it's showing through

Reach out your hands
And accept my love
We've waited for too long
Enough is enough

I want you now
My heart is aching
My body is burning
My hands are shaking
My head is turning

You understand
It's so easy to choose
We've got time to kill
We've got nothing to lose

I want you now
And I don't mean to sound
Like one of the boys
That's now what I'm trying to do
I don't want to be
Like one of the boys
I just want you now

Because I've got a love
A love that won't wait
A love that is growing
And it's getting late

Do you know what it means
To be left this way
When everyone's gone
And the feelings they stay
I want you now

Pixie Why do you monkeys do this to me?

Tuesday, November 20, 2001

Oh, and I'm so not digging people right now. It seems as though no one trusts me, no one thinks I can do everything. Everyone treats me like I'm this invalid incapable of performing the slightest class. In spanish paco got mad at me because I had a 50% on my atom-test (naming 24 parts of an atom) and he starts bitching at me about my grades and about how I'm not even doing anything to make them better and I went off on him a bit and I started to cry because y'know, it's not like I haven't been in chemistry every day after school working until I start hitting my head against the table. It's not like I do any extra credit for any of my classes, and hey, I'm ditching all the time right and never doing my homework and never studying? Right? Yeah, that's what I thought. Bullshit. I've been working my ass off and to have him tell me that I don't care and I'm not doing anything. Well, it pisses me off. I have to come home to that shit every day I don't need it from people that I thought were my friends.

No one thinks I can do anything. Everyone just thinks I'm this fuck-up whore and I'm so sick of it, I'm so sick of people. I've been totally avoiding talking to everyone on the breaks mostly and it almost works out too well. Which is good because I avoid people for a reason. It's just like fuckin 'a, I'm so sick of this shit and I'm so sick of my life and I'm so sick of my self. Bah. I'm going to bed. Pixie
I'm so not down with people liking me so much. I just had a couple hour long conversation with Julio. He likes me way too much. He asked me out. And he's so insane because he's so wrapped up with me. And I'm thinking, dude, he's known me all of what, four days? But I remember when I met Biscuit. I ditched with him the first day I met him and I was unbelievably sprung. I know what it's like to like someone so much that your head spins and your stomach flips and you just feel like you're going to die without them. And I know what it's like to not get them in the end. It sucks ass, and it's painful, and it hurts. But I've been thinking...he was saying how he'd never hurt me, he'd never break me, but can I be broken? I've got to wonder, is there even anything left of me to break? I don't know. It's just blah. I'm going to go to bed now so I don't look like shit in the morning. Bah. Pixie
I am so tired, I just woke up from a three hour nap that I indulged in the second that I got home from school. Which was an hour and a half after the bell ring because I had to go get chemistry help. Fortunatly, I've only got a half of a worksheet left to do. Classic line of the day, said by my chem teacher: "I am too famous, I'm a male teacher in the Clark County School District that wasn't in the news last year". You see, we lost like, four or five or six of our male teachers last year for having those kinds of relationships you're not supposed to have with your students. *smirks* It was a funny line.

I also got asked out by Nic, I'm not even going to go into that because I don't have the time, but I will say that I did say no, but me, him, Vivi, and Bob are going to attempt to go bowling. Bah. A snack machine also stole my money and my brother's friend's girlfriend saw me attacking the vending machine. Bah. I'll write more later, I gotta finish my mole, finish my chemistry worksheet, take a shower, and possibly do my world history cards. It sucks because tomorrow I got to get to school early to turn in my chem stuff. And then I have to come back to get my report card. Bah. Pixie
"you are so untouchable. to me, you are one of the most unnattainable girls". it's not it's not it's not supposed to be like that. i'll tell ya'll all about it tomrorow

Monday, November 19, 2001

Ahhh!!!!

no me gusta la clase de espanol. i don't like spanish class. i've been at paco's house for a long time, trying to study, realizing how stupid i am and how i'm going to fail this test tomorrow. it's worth a lot. fuck me up my ass with a big purple dildo. ashes, i know just how you feel. i love you too babe. i used to have better self esteem when i didn't hang out with such awesomly gorgeous chicas. and now all my chicas are so beautiful. bah. vivi and bob are trying to hook me up with nic. nic likes me, i think. i don't know, in his words he thinks that i don't like him and he's too much of a pussy to make a move. ahh well. i get a report card on wednesday. bah. fuckin' a. later

Sunday, November 18, 2001

Slut!

I'm soo in the mood for some incredible sex from an incredible person. And I'm trying to wait up for Nathan to get back so I can talk to him for a bit before I go to bed, so I thought I'd share a little bit from this book I'm reading. It's called Slut!: Growing Up Female With A Bad Reputation by Leora Tanenbaum. So, here it is:

Sexually active "sluts" have an advantage over "good" girls. Once they are singled out for derision, they realize they have little to lose by living up to their reputations. And in defying the "good girl" rules, they develop a necessary critical perspective about love and sex. Unlike most girls, self-aware "sluts" perceive the unfairness of the sexual double standard. They know they are in a double bind: That boys like girls who are a little bit "slutty" but also look down on them as cheap and inferior. They are aware that girls as well as boys experience sexual pleasure; they know that if they are responsible, they can minimize their risk of disease, pregnancy, and emotional distress. And they recognize that most girls take adolescent romance much more seriously than boys do - too seriously. Sexually active "sluts" think of themselves as independent sexual agents and are less inclined to use sex as a bargaining chip for love and affection. As a result, I would argue, they, and not the "good" girls who call them insulting names, are more likely to have a healthy attitude about themselves and their futures.

I'm so in love with this book. As a chick who was known as a slut for a good part of her middle school years (read: all of her middle school years and a good portion of my high school ones so far) I can say that most of that is true. Although for a while I was thinking that all I had to offer to someone was the reputation that I was easy and wild. And for a long time I had really low self esteem unless someone was wanting me. But...I think I'm getting better. I'm trying hard to like myself and my body and the way I look. But I've put on a few pounds lately (I remember when I was hitting 120 and I said I'd never forgive myself for hitting 130. *groan*) and I'm feeling rather ugly. Okay, really really ugly. I look in the mirror and I want to hurt myself because of how horrible I look. So..I don't know what I'm going to do. But hey, ya'll try to keep your self esteem high? Because once it starts going down it never really stops. An Ugly Pixie

Pictures are up and running at my photo album under the section "10th Grade". The link is at the bottom of this page, just click on "Pictures" and it'll take you right there. Check 'em out. Also, I'm going to try to add pictures of everyone to my cast page. We'll see how it goes.
A Comedy Of Errors

We went out to dinner because it was my abuelo's birthday today. We went to a place on The Strip. Man, has it been a while since I've been to the strip. Some really good Italian food we had. My mom enjoyed some good italian wine. So much, in fact, that she is on that fine line between Very Very Tipsy and Slightly Drunk. I realize you don't know what this means, so let me explain. My mom doesn't drink. Her father was an abusive alchoholic, and she doesn't drink. She never ever ever drinks anything besides wine and beer. Her idea of a good time is two glasses of wine. She has never been more than A Little Tipsy in my lifetime. She gets sick very very easily. She'll be very hungover in the morning, I'm sure. How funny that I'm her daughter. She made my brother drive home. He's 17, but he doesn't even have a permit and hasn't driven since last June.

Heehee, it's funny. Mostly because it's so unexpected, y'know? So, yeah, I just gained six pounds tonight. Bleh. Pixie
Honk!

Well, I saw Honk! last night with Kristen. Lester, who does Rocky, was there too. Honk! was a musical about The Ugly Duckling. It was very good, and very cute, and very funny. An all around good time. Unfortunatly, Kristen's dad didn't pick us up until an hour after we got out of there :/ And Ms. Cortez had to wait with us, along with Ms. Blonde whose name I don't know. Ms. Blonde was nice enough to make stupid comments about how she had places to go and things to do. She was bitching so much you'd think that there was something we could do about the situation. Well, there wasn't. God. It was really a bummer, I had to go through this on my dance team when my parents would constantly forget to pick me up. And then Kristen was going to spend the night at her friend Lauren's house. Her dad was going to take her there, and then drop me off so he wouldn't have to go back and forth across town. Kristen just opted not to go :/ I felt really badly because if it hadn't of been for me she would have been able to go and it was just sorta blah.

My day was just pretty cool. I talked to Julio a lot on the phone. He says I'm not what he expected - he expected me to be good and nice, no cussing, no drinking, etc. But, I think whoever I am is a good thing. He likes me, I think. I'm pretty sure. I don't know. Kristen talked to him for a while as I was getting ready for the show and she was like "I know, she's a babe, you don't have to convince me!". He was saying I was hot and stuff. *shrugs* I don't know. He's really funny, although he's a bit of a snob. His little brother is "sweet" (aka: queer) and just came out. Awww. I don't know, he's cool to talk to. I invited him to come to Rocky next week cuz I'll be there (he was going to go last night, but his plans were foiled), and then I was like *hit hand to forehead*. Nathan would be there! And I just didn't want to be in that situation. Fortunatly, he'll be going to Cali that weekend and can't go. Do I like Julio? I don't know, I don't know him well enough. When he first called my abuela answered the phone and he was so surprised that I was hispanic. Well, he called later on and my mom answered and he asked for me in spanish. My mom gets all confused (she speaks spanish pretty well, but y'know, not so well) and she calls me and says to me in spanish "Paloma, there is someone on the phone that is speaking in spanish". And then in english she asks me who do I know that doesn't speak english. I'm sorta like...uhh...why are you talking to me in spanish. I understood her well enough, but she never talks to me in spanish. Like, ever. I just laughed and she was confused because I knew exactly who it was.

The novelty of having my abuelos around is wearing off fairly quickly. Well, I love them to pieces, I really do, I think they're great, but...now there are six of us living in this house. Five of us use the same bathroom (that'd be mine). We've got two, but only my dad ever goes near his. The phone is constantly ringing because we've got so many relatives on my dad's side that live here, and they're all calling to talk to my abuelos. Also, people are constantly coming over. Right now we've got our main room with wet carpet, and our living room that is stuffed with furniture, so everyone has no place to go. It's so crowded and busy and I never get a chance on the computer. But the food is great :) Score. And I'm working on my spanish. It's sad though, because I can't and won't think of my abuelos dying, but I'll acknowledge that they're getting older. I have to repeat everyting twice for my abuelo and it's so depressing. :(

So..yeah. That's basically it. By tomorrow morning I'll have hella more pictures up on my photo-album, most will be up now though, so check them out. Pixie