Saturday, September 29, 2001

I'll Never Understand

So...this morning I woke up early early, at like 7, and I took a shower and Biscuit2 came and picked me up and we got dropped off at the school. We just hung out for a long time, and we were like hey...the orange booth (on the side of the football know, for the announcers or whoever, not that we have any, but I assume at one point we did). And the door was locked. Biscuit2 could climb up over, but I'm too short and too weak to do it, so our plan was foiled. We hung out a little more and then we're like, hmm...and well, there's this one part of the school that's tucked away and the cameras can't see it, tada. So, I'm just sitting on his lap, facing him, and we're talking and kissing and joking the way we always do when we hear some noise. It was Biscuit! Oh dear. Biscuit2 was trying so hard to hold back his laughter at the irony of it all. And so...finally we got down to it, and I started to give him head. Bad idea for a few reasons. A: there were noises all around. And we'd try to make it look like it wasn't two teenagers in a hallway, one giving a blowjob to the other, not very succesfully. and B: I'm still a little sick so I kept having to couch. After a while, oh...I don't know how long, I was just tired. I'd had no caffiene, no sugar, little sleep, and so Biscuit2 said some asshole funny comment and I was just like fuck you :) Well, I will say that for the rest of the day his mood was more physical. He bit me and teased me and we finally moseyed our way on down to the theater.

Whew, we did so much today, it's surprising. We had to repaint the background (which has already been repainted a few times) cream, and then feather-duster-flog it with red and blue. And we had to sponge all the 'bricks' and Biscuit was drawing stones on and just all that little detail stuff. The cappy thing went well. Basically a cappy is a critic, and they go around to different participating school's shows. I'll get thespian points for it, plus it's just a really neato thing, and possibility of publication doesn't hurt anyone. I've got to review at least 5 shows, no problemo. It was so funny, because half of the people there (I think there were like, 20 total) were from my school, and you could totally tell the difference. The other people were dressed a little nicer, they were sitting all prim and proper. The kids from my school are sprawled out on the floor munching on candy and granola bars that Kristen brought, no shoes, most of us already covered in paint from starting on tech work, or wearing our painting clothes. But the funny thing is, even if we were at another school we would have been the same way. We're just friendly like that. Fun stuff.

What else? Oh golly, Nick (who smells so yumiliscious) and Bob are in charge of making programs. Well...Bob basically did it all, and Nick was "his bitch". Well, Bob dissappears and the programs were supposed to be done yesterday, so we sorta figured it out together. Well, mostly he threw a chair and watched what I did and declared his love, lol. Biscuit2 was being a stubborn ass "I can do it..." Sure. *smirk* It's so silly that Nick signed up because he's so computer-uncapable. I don't know, I really like computers. I'm so proud of my website and my blog layout and everything because I worked so hard on it all, I taught myself html and y''s hard stuff considering I didn't know jack shit before. Hehe.

And as I said, Biscuit2 was in this goofy mood, giving me his goofy smile. I love it when he's like that. Well, I love him all the time, but I love him even more when he's like that. We were up in the loft cuddling, waiting for the teacher to appear and it was just so awesome, and then Kristen and everyone started throwing candy at us! Well ha, we threw it back at them, making quite a mess, but y'know, that's how that stuff goes. However...I was having fun huggling and kissling. *sigh* oh well, next time, next time.

Grrr, my mom drives me nutso. She always does, but as of late it's even worse. I called her because I couldn't get a ride home till 5, and she was like okay. And then Kristen was staying later so I called again and she's like "no...I'll come get you". I waited outside for 20 minutes and she never fucking came. I went inside to call her and she hadn't even left yet. So...she throws this big hissyfit in the car. It's so hard to understand because I don't understand her at all. The bottom line is that she doesn't want me spending so much time there, but she doesn't really have a real reason. She says that the teacher is taking advantage of us but that's such bs! Guess what? I don't have to sign up to be *in* the play, and I don't have to stay for tech. It's entirely voluntary. I just think it's really awesome and really fun, and I like it. Tons. And I'm proud of what little I can contribute. I really am. But she doesn't get that. *sigh* It's like...what does she want me to do? Stay at home and spend 8 hours a day on the computer? She wasn't really too happy with that either now, was she? No.

So...I'm just really bummed about that right now. She doesn't give me any room to argue. As far as she's concerned...well, as far as she's concerned nothing. Her way is the only way, the right way, the only way things should be done. The one and only way. The only way. No room to change her plan even a little bit. And that's such bullshit. It just drives me crazy and I'm just blah about it. I try to find middle ground, I really do, and you know what? There just isn't any there. It's her way or nothing. And her way is nothing and it pisses me off so much. It's just so...stupid. Utterly and completely stupid. just sucks ass. Pixie

Friday, September 28, 2001

A Reality To My Reputation

Oy. I still don't have my journal, gah. Biscuit2 has it. I'm afraid that he'll read it and realize that I'm like, this horrible person. He read about my Biscuit adventures pre-Boston and started to laugh his ass off. He said he actually fell over in class! Yeah, he thinks that Biscuit is a bit of a...dorky loser, and not in that cute way. Okay, so let's do a very very brief quick background on the last few days. Lots of fighting and tears, the climax was on...oh I don't know, Wednesday? Biscuit2 came to get me (I was talking to Duck about Fairie Chick's whole over-the-counter pill popping spree) and I was like "hey", and then I realized that Fairie Chick was behind him, and Biscuit2 was like "I can't talk to you anymore, I've got my own problems to deal with right now," and he left, and Fairie Chick started to yell at me (well, we were backstage so not a real yell) and I was calling her selfish and she was just like "we're taking this outisde", which turned out to be in the boy's dressing room. She pushed me up against the wall and started yelling at me. Twenty minutes later she collapsed on the floor crying.

Later I gave Biscuit2 a kiss because "it might be our last", Kristen was like "no! you kiss him again and you make it count! Again! Keep going, I'll watch out for Fairie Chick". How cute is she? I'm so xoxox-ing her. Well, Biscuit2 thought I said "it will be our last", and so he told Fairie Chick that he could only forgive her under three conditions. A: she forgets about Anthony. B: she forgets about Justin. C: she promises to be honest. Well...he told me about this, and I was just like, who do you want to be with, me or her? It was a bit confusing...he had to go on stage, and I just started to cry.

Kristen came over and started to hug me and we talked, and she helped me come up with a solution. I tell them that it's all or nothing because I can't choose between them. So...I took them to the side and I was just like "I can't be in the middle of this, I hate this, I care about both of you too much to do that. So either I get a best friend AND a boyfriend, or I get neither. Or you two can be with each other. I dont' really care but I'm sick of all this shit". And they went and talked...and later Biscuit2 comes over and I'm so absolutely terrified that I'm going to lose them both. Kristin and I sang about toast. And then Biscuit2 came over and told me we could be together. I started to cry, I was so happy. I cried for like 45 minutes, I was just so happy I couldn't believe it. And all was better again. I'm happy with Biscuit2, and Fairie Chick is happy with Anthony, and they're going to be like, our couples friend (you know, to do couple-y stuff with .Biscuit2 and Anthony started talking, they're cool with each other, but there was always Fairie Chick in the middle, and now Biscuit2 and Fairie are friends, and Anthony and I are friends. Kiss ass).

So...that's the short story. Now, today. This morning I was supposed to get to school early to have some "alone" time with Biscuit2...I wasn't woken up until 7:10! The bell rings at 7:15. I felt so bad but I couldn't help but laughing because I knew that Biscuit2 must have been so bummed out! I wrote him a note and promised to make it up. After school we found Kristin crying backstage, she was crying so hard I felt so horrible. We wouldn't leave so she just layed her head in my lap and I petted her head (I've found that it's really calming to people, esp. girls). She left later, promising to be back. She never did. So...we were huggling and kissling and we talked about this morning and stuff...and he was really hitting on me, and I was just like "you know...I want to do something *fun* with you, but I'm nervous". Well, we had been talking earlier about me giving him head, so he was immediatly all up for it. He searched for a quite place for us, and there was only the light booth. But once the music people were done practicing, they'd be up there. Biscuit2 was just like "screw it, let's go". Well, there was 'his' chair that he apparently has claimed and labeled, but blocked by tables and couches and lamps and stuff, so he moved all that, and sat down.

I was just kneeling in front of him, kissing him, telling him how nervous I was. He was such a sweetie. He was just being goofy and like "what if you blindfold me? will it make it better?". Well, it actually did, and finally I got down to it. My golly. He's my best friend's ex, so I've heard stories about him (I can even list a long list of all the places they've had sex, and how many times they did too). But...I wasn't expecting him to be so...big. Earlier he had said that Fairie Chick bugged him for two reasons. 1: she has braces. 2: she couldn't take enough of him into her mouth. Just like when we're kissing, in the middle of me giving him head I'd say something or he'd say something funny. I like that we can communicate like that. He'll ask me a question, and we'll talk about how we want to do it, are we both comfortable, things like that.. I was just like "you've apparently never sucked a dick before because that's impossible to get all that into a person's mouth unless you're superhuman". Not that I have anything to compare him to, but I can barely get my mouth around his cock. It's flippin' huge (something like, 8 inches long...) and I hope that he's not the first person I have sex with! Ouch.

Well....people were coming upstairs so we had to stop. Am I bummed out that I couldn't finish? Totally. Do I feel sorry for him? Nope, he has started to finger me twice (oh yeah, many firsts going on, first time being fingered, first time giving head, first hickey...), never has a chance to finish. He told Kimmie and she kept whipsering "light booth" to me. I was like "shush!" and she's like "no one knows". Anyone who has ever been in the light booth knows. So...I can't wait to do it again. I already told him "I have no clue what I'm doing, but I'm a perfectionist and I'll get it right some day, mind if I practice on you?" He says he has no problems whatsoever. Wow. It's just makes me feel really powerful, in control, and it makes me happy that I can make him happy. He says that I'm already tons better than Fairie was. Not that I want to hear that, but you know, she only did it twice, so she never had a chance to get better. And she had braces. And she was too afraid that she wouldn't do it right. I don't care if I do it wrong (well, as he said "don't worry, hate to sound crude but I'm a guy, and if the girl I really really like is sucking on my dick, I'm not going to be like 'no...that's horrible!'"), I think it's way fun. I feel like I stopped reading a book before I was finished. I want him to collapse in pleasure. Well...we have time. Lots of it.

I got my costume today. Ugly! First of all it's a knee-length skirt instead of pants, so it'll be changed into knee-length shorts. It's like, soft red, green, and white vertical stripes. And this huge baggy cream colored shirt that was "not made for a chick". Rather, it was made for an overweight guy. (we borrowed them from another high school). And I'll have cream tights, a white mask over my eyes, and modern dance shoes. Kristin is matching.'s cool. It'll be fun.

I met a new guy today. His name is Ricardo and he's the foreign exchange student from Venezuela. He's really neato. He was watching us dance (we had on some punk music and were just jumping and dancing around), and I tried to get him dance but he wouldn't. We chatted a bit, not much. But afterwards he talked to me. He's really slinkster cool, I like him tons. A cutie too, although his english is a bit shaky. So that was fun fun fun.

And that's about it...Pixie

Thursday, September 27, 2001


So much to say! I've been off doing theater. Away till 9ish every night...and then I talk to Trevor for...well...a long time...and then I go to bed. Grrr. So much to say! Trevor and I broke up and made up about 20 times, and there was so much crying I don't know if I can cry anymore (and, for the first time, tears of happiness, whoa). I lost my best friend three times, gained her back for a few minutes.

And the outcome is I have a boyfriend, a best friend, and a new best friend. And for now everything is neato. And I'd write it all out (all, oh, 9 pages of it) except Trevor has my journal (he let me read his...I'm letting him read mine). And, Kristen is borrowing it for the weekend (the first person I ever let read my real journal. Wow, a way to make an insta-best-friend. She just read the most recent, and asked if she could take it to class, and then she wanted to read it during rehersals and tech, and then she wanted to take it home. The next morning she had dark circles under her eyes. As she put it "I was up all night reading your journal, it made me cry. I couldn't go to bed, I kept turning the pages and it was like, a really good soap opera, except it was real life!"). Wow, helluva compliment.

Oh...there is so much to tell. But...another story, another time. I should have time mom has decided that I've got to be home by blah blah. I can talk to you. Why am I surprised that people want to read my real journal? I know how many people read my blog, it is almost verbatim. I can't believe I told Trevor and Kristen about my blog, eep. I don't know if they'll start to read it now, but you know the way an author can't resist reading a story to someone? It's the same way when someone thinks your life is interesting they want to take your journal home. So interesting I almost want to ask her if she wants to read my old one, lol. Well, my darlin's, I'll keep you updated soon. I promise.

Well, let's talk about today. I started to feel really lost and alone and very scared, like I was spinning spinning spinning. And I started to cry. Well...this was quite uncool. I mean, I was happy, everything was right, and I felt so scared and I had to cry, it was horrible. Trevor wanted to cook me food (since the pizza and someone's cell was stolen. Yuck, to think those people were around. Fortunatly, we don't think they were theater kids). It was really hard because I just wanted to curl up into a ball and stay in one place. I just kept thinking...what if I get up? What will happen? And I started to think about "Girl Interrupted", the book, at one point she was just talking about people want to know how to tell a crazy person from a sane one. And she starts talking about how you'll just be sitting down wondering whether to get up or stay seated, and it's such a simple question but it leaves your head spinning because it just goes so many different ways, and your thoughts are so all over the place. And I said to Trevor "it's so stupid, it's just about getting up or staying here, but I can't make up my mind." And all of a sudden I had to wonder if I was crazy. It was just really horrible.

I ended up going, but I was crying, and then Kristen dissapeared, and then we couldn't find Marshall. Marshall didn't really want to take us. He was having fun. He doesn't like to drive people around. He wasn't hungry. He didn't want to go. Trevor made him. Well, not really, but Trevor really convinced him. Marshall didn't talk for the rest of the day. I ate a little Ramen, but not much. I wasn't really hungry. It was just kind of blah. Trevor was worried. Fairie Chick was worried that I was mad at her (she didn't come with, but before I left and after we got back).

So...eventually we go back. I'm still a little bummed. Fairie Chick was in the loft with Fuzzy Bag Chick, I let them be. Kristen grabbed me and took me to sit down, Cupcake came over too and we talked a little bit. Trevor came over and dragged me away. We went behind the set, and sat down, and talked. And spent like, two hours back there. We actually did talk for a long time. Just about everything. About being afraid about being scared about us and everything. He thinks that I just feel so strange because I've never been treated the way I deserved to be treated - the way he's been treating me. Maybe he's right. I just had to do I know I deserve to be treated this way? How do I know that I deserve so good? You guys will understand how happy I am to be with Trevor when I update you on the last few days. Let me just say, every goddamn moment could have been from your favorite soap opera, and I'm not fucking kidding you. We went through a lot to be together, and I hate to be cliche, but I realize now so much more than I did before about how much I like him, how much I love Fairie Chick, and how awesome Kristen is.

So...there was kissing, yes, and discussions, yes. It was really nice though. It just made me realize how much I'm so happy to be with him. It's so awesome...and he doesn't mind telling me whatever I ask. We just talked...about how I'm afraid because really, I haven't done anything. As bad as my reputation is, and as many people that read about my life by looking for naughty things, I am quite literally, an inexperienced virgin. In his journal he said it made him happy because I had no one to compare him with. I told him that it made me scared for the same reasons - who was he going to compare me with? And we talked about his first time...he's only had sex with three people, and he's only gotten head twice (I ask you, how does that make sense?). And he's afraid...afraid of hurting me (physically, I know he'll do everything he can not to hurt me emotionally), afraid of "corrupting me". Hehe. We talked about laughing. How I used to laugh in the middle of Biscuit's kisses and I think it pissed him off, how he used to laugh in the middle of having sex with Fairie Chick and it pissed her off, lol. Funny stuff. We'd be having a conversation in between kisses, and we'd just say something so stupid or so funny we'd bust out laughing, and it was okay. It was really really okay.

I don't feel weird about talking to him about stuff. The funny thing is that I feel almost shy about telling you what we've done and what we plan on doing and the things we talked about. I've never felt that way before. You read me! You know I'm not like that! But...I think I shall wait until I can tell you the long sad happy story of the last four days. I wonder if you'll get bored in the middle and stop. But for all of you that don't, it'll be a thing you need to set aside some time to read. There is cutting involved (I'm sorry to say), there is an overdose of crying, overdosing of pills, me becoming a more experienced virgin, a lot of "I love you's", and tears of joy. Don't go ahead and start guessing who does what and in what order, because I garentee you'll be wrong, I promise you that you will be. leave you with a cliff hanger, Nick read me my Tarot cards, and he was right on the money 110%. I couldn't believe it, he said it was only his third time. I don't particularily like Nick, or rather, I didn't, but when someone does something so awesome for you like that, it's hard not like them. They learn a lot about you. That's just kind of how it is. Now I know what you're thinking, blah blah, why don't you just call Ms. Cleo? Well, because I've had my tarot cards read three times. Once by my grama, once by a gay guy at Roma's, and once by Nick, and they've always been entirely right.

Basically...I think all but four of the cards were "of cups". Cups mean emotions. I don't know much about tarot, but I'd imagine it's hard to get a spread of so many cups. But it fitted, because emotions were so high strung. The other four cards were: the lovers, the hermit, the moon, and the queen of swords. It was a very feminine spread. And, most basically explained, it said that I was having a lot of emotions flying around, I was going to have to make a decision, but I needed to think carefully about it, and learn from my past instead of just flying into decisions. It said that I'd be starting new relationships (both friendship and romantic), and entering a new phase of a past relationship. It said that all of this was leading to problems with my families, and...well, then there was sex and stuff, lol. Well, let me tell you, it was all true. At first there was one card I couldn't place (the family one), but it fell in place today. There's still one card I can't place (it was something with coins, which is related to careers...but I'm also sure it will fall into place).

I'm skeptical too, but I wouldn't believe except that it has always been so...right. And it's not like these are general cards, they're quite specific. And it's not like the people knew me. Nick has never talked to me, besides talkinga bout what we're doing on stage, and the gay guy had never met me before, so there. Pixie

Sunday, September 23, 2001


Okay okay, let's make this quick and easy. So...we rehearsed, and we fine tuned it, and the teacher actually laughed on my part, which is good when you consider that she knew what was going to happen. Duck and I cried together a lot, Fairie Chick and I finally got a good 10 minutes to talk and I just cried in her arms and she was kissing my forehead and it was just y'know...a good moment for us.

Afterwards we all went to Jack in the Box to get some food because we were hunnnggrrryyy. On the way there Fairie Chick and I were walking together, talking, and Kimmie and Trevor were walking together, and Trevor gets pissed and walks on the other side of the street. I guess Trevor told Kimmie that he thought Fairie was talking to me trying to get us to break up, and I was probably going to listen. *rolls eyes* So...when he finally makes his way over to us I go outside to talk to him. I was just like "look, we need to talk" and he's like okay okay and I'm like, it's not about you, it's about me. And he's like "I know, Fairie Chick said she had to talk to me about you, but she had to talk to you first." And I'm like, yup, well it is about me and she is making me tell you or else she'll tell you herself, and I don't think that is the best thing. And I just kind of stood there and laughed nervously because, well, as I told him, it's one of the hard things to tell someone. He just sighed and said that he has probably heard it enough. I told him no, I wasn't breaking up with him...I told him I had started to cut again.

He was just like...well, everyone goes through times like those. I know that he's cut himself before, he said he still does it about once a month. He hugged me and told me I should stop but it would all be okay. I told him that it wasn't the same, because when I start to cut again I get really really bad. He was just like, it's going to be okay, you need to stop but it'll be okay. So I go into Jack in the Box and sit down with Fairie Chick and Kimmy and tell him what he said. Fairie gets mad and goes to talk to him. She thinks he doesn't care enough, and he didn't try hard enough to find out what was wrong with me. I told her that if I didn't want to tell him there was no way he could know, just the same way she'd never know if I hadn't have told her.

We eventually went to Smith's, and then back into the school to do tech work. Jennabe's little sister was there, Jada. She didn't remember me (I used to do synchro with her too, but she was a little kiddo then). Mostly I just screwed things and assisted people and painted, because there's not much else I know how to do. There was this tall tall part I couldn't reach, even with a chair to paint. So I go into the theater room looking for a tall person, I see Robert and I asked him for his help and he was like "I'm an actor, not a techie." That made me so mad. I needed someone tall, that asshole.

Hmm...nothing much happened after that. Oooh, Trevor and I talked on the phone. *sigh* He was so absolutely sweet. He was going through his journal, and I was going through my old one, laughing at what I had said. So...finally, we ended up reading to each other parts from our journals about each other. I had more, because I write more and because I've had mine longer and I'm more consistent, his was entirely different. He's totally different about the way he writes, but you know. So what did he write about me? Well, first he called Biscuit an asshole for the way he treated me and for breaking up with me. And then he comes back a billion years later and talks about how it's all a surprise that he's with me, his ex's best friend. When describing me he calls me pretty, funny, sweet, awesome, and untouched, or something like that. Really sweet, very awesome stuff. And we talked for a really long time. We made "rules". I'm not allowed to leave him for Justin, Fairie Chick, or Biscuit. I told him he can't touch my back a certain way (he told me I didn't even have to explain), I don't like to kiss in front of parents...what else? Oh I don't know, silly stuff.

I taunted and tormented him about "Pixie Huggles and Elephant Kisses". I signed a note like that and asked him if it meant anything to him, just because I'm curious to see if he reads this. It doesn't bug me if he does, I just like to know who reads. Well, apparently he has no idea, and I'm driving him nutso. I told him he had everything he needed to find it, he thought it was nirvana or peace or some shit like that, I told him nope. How does he have everything? If he goes to yahoo or google or many other search engines he'll find all my stuff. And I know he has a computer, so there. I told him he's got a week to "do something" and if he "does it" I'll tell him. Well...I haven't figured out what it is I want him to do, but I think it's fun, heehee.

And then today...I went to Smith's with Fairie Chick, Duck, Adam, and Nick. We each only had to pay six bucks, we got all the cups, forks, plates, soda, salad fixings, and ramen that we needed. We figure we're preparing ourselves for college, lol. Then Duck, Fairie Chick and I went to Fairie's house, we hung out and played with her kitten (that her dad doesn't know she has yet). We did girl talk...Duck is awesome for girl talk :) We ate Veggiburgers, we went to the mall. Trevor was there. Now...this is the fun part.

At the mall I got a whole bunch of stuff, but I don't have any of it with me so I'll just wait for tomorrow to come and tell you about it then. We were trying on bras and Trevor comes in. Fairie and I go into the same room to compare some bras, Trevor goes into my room and puts on my bra! Boy...well, he was very pleased with his boobs. Oh, and he also thinks for cheap entertainment a member of the male species just needs to go to a bra store with some chicks. Well...when I think about it, he's right. It's hella funny for a guy to listen to these things that he normally doesn't hear. Like..."this makes me look like I have four boobs" or "it spreads my boobs apart too much" or "it makes me look like I can poke someone's eyes out with my boobs!" Or...we read the tags "this bra says it'll change my life...well, with this cleavage no guy will ever look me in the face again". Hehe. Fairie thinks my boobs are so much bigger than hers, they're not. Her's are 34B, mine are 36B. But her waist is smaller. *sigh* But y'know. Some other teenage chicks came into the dressing room and heard Trevor talking about how much he liked his boobs. I made him give me back my bra when we were done and he was complaining that I took away his only assets and insisted now he wants boobs. Well, he messed up the straps on my bra!

We went to Victoria's Secret and tried on corsets *orgasm*. Flippin awesome, only 80 bucks a piece. Grrrr. Then we went to the Trashy Shoe store and convinced people we were strippers, totally on accident. Fairie was trying on a pair of trashy shoes and was saying how she wanted tiny Pamela Anderson feet, I told her it wouldn't happen because dancer's don't get pretty little feet. Well...the sales girls ask us if we're dancers, we tell them yup and we started talking about tap and jazz and ballet to ourselves (as the sales girls got us our shoes). I made some comment about everyone needs a rich old man to buy them pretty things. Finally the girls ask us where we work, and it hits me, they think we're "dancers"! I tell them we're from out of town and whisper it into Fairie's ears. Well, that's the trick to getting good service in a shoe store, especially a trashy shoe store. Fairie told me about how one day she went there with her aunt and cousin and they got no attention and the sales girls were very...catty, very bitchy. Well, they were running around pulling out their hair trying to find the shoes in my size, the right color, etc etc. They were putting on the shoes for us. Why? Well, think about it. You know they get comission. And, strippers are good customers to have, they always need new shoes, and if the shoes are good they'll tell their friends who will then come and buy shoes, who will tell their friends. Hehe, it was funny.

And then I came home. I've got a tickle in my throat, uncool. I'm getting sick. Uncool. I've got school tomorrow, and I think I've got a test I haven't studied for tomorrow, along with homework due that I haven't done. Well, we shall see what happens, won't we? Pixie