Saturday, September 01, 2001

Almost Famous

Haha, this morning I found some interesting news...but, first we'll have to go through chronological order of what's up, otherwise I get confused and leave things out. Amy came over yesterday...she wanted to do something, to go somewhere, for me to go out. Well, I don't really have any money (or rather, money I'm willing to spend), and I don't like people paying for me. You know I really really like you if I knowingly let you buy me something. The only person I let right now is my uncle, and my parents because...well, otherwise I don't get what I need. So...I didn't want to go. She prepositioned us going to Starbucks to contemplate whether or not I wanted to go out with her friends (Mike and Chris). Of course, it was after I agreed that she called up Mike and Chris to meet us there :/ Oh yeah, and she was in a very pouty mood, crying at my house and stuff because her brother did some idiot thing that brothers always do...

So...we got there and waited and waited, and finally they showed up and then we all went to the mall. I was really really hoping I'd see a group of kids including Fairie Chick at the mall so I could be like "see! I have *normal* friends! Friends that aren't Amy!" or, my version of normal anyway. I'm so sure that all of Amy's guy friends think it's very weird that she feels she needs me to be around her in order for her to be happy (can we say run on sentance?), because I just stand around quietly, following her. They followed us in their car. Amy bought a planner at Sanrio, we checked out the new, bigger, even yummier Hot Topic (I was looking at this top and Mike comes up and goes "no! don't!" and I was like "my best friend wore that on the first day of school!"). I longingly looked at buttons, bondage pants and skirts and big boots and shoes, while they just kind of acted...like preppy kids in a chain alternative store.

Then we went to Skin Market. This is the place where Amy bought fifteen dollar lipgloss. Very expensive. Chris bought something for his mom, Amy got some nailpolish and stuff (and right afterwards said "I'm so fucking poor!" or something to that extent...), I was too busy being triggered to notice. Skin Market also sells some cute hats and necklaces and chokers, and things like that. Well...I was looking at the chokers when one caught my attention. It was black "leather" and had an imitation razor blade on it. As in, the razor blade commonly used by cutters. I haven't a clue where cutters get them, but I know Jess had one, I had one too (I don't know where I got them either...). If you've ever gone to cutting websites you've probably seen images of them. I just stared there in shock at it the entire 15 minutes we spent in the store. I got really cold and wrapped my arms around myself and my back was hunched and my shoulders were up and I looked like a deer caught in headlights. I was digging my nails into my arms. How do I know all this? Because when I finally broke out of the spell of that goddamn choker I looked up and there was a full length mirror to show me how freaked out I looked. This was really really upsetting to me, what? Now cutting is chic? It's cool to slit your wrists or whatever favored body part? Are we going to see models covered in fake blood during runway shows? This pisses me off almost as much as homophobic people. Hey, let's glamourize the lives of depressed, self injuring, eating disordered teens, yes that's exactly what society needs! Guess what, I've had friends start cutting when they found out I cut, when I told them what it did for me. People who go into it on purpose. They don't need fucking Skin Market making it even worse....

So, that pretty much shut me up for the rest of the night. Amy asked me what was wrong and I said something in the store freaked me out. She left it at that. We got back into our respective cars when Amy declared we needed to go to Office Max, so we did, and she got some pens, pencils, lead, folders, that sort of stuff. Chris paid for it. Back into our respective cars, and Amy says let's go to the Colonade. That's a movie theater for those of you not in the know. I didn't even have a choice in the matter, which is how I ended up spending the entire night with Amy when I just wanted to crawl in bed.

We decided to see Jeepers Creepers, but had a while to go so we at at the Five and Diner. A bus boy wearing blue converse's, black jeans, black shirt, and had messy curly hair was smiling at me. I would have asked him for his number but I don't want him thinking I'm hitting on him or anything, I just thought it'd be cool to get to know him. Well...as four teenagers in a restaurant usually do, we caused a ruckus, and we all got the same thing (didn't mean to...I swear). Fun Fun. Mike and I had to sneek into Jeepers Creepers because I'm not 17 and he didn't have an ID .

The movie was good...Chris and I were sitting there saying how lame horror movies are now-a-these days. Well...the entire audience jumped about, oh a billion times. There were some screams too :) We were pleasantly surprised. Oh, but the entire audience was very much into yelling at the screen and calling them idiots and making sarcastic comments, but that made it even funner. However...overall, the movie wasn't that good. There wasn't a real sense of plot, you didn't get to know the charectors (except to the point where you understand that they brought their own fate upon them), the entire course of the movie is about 10 hours long. Oh yeah, and they do too many closeups of fake bodies and stuff, because you can tell that they're fake. Things like the nails aren't long enough (when you die your nails keep growing, things like that). But the quick glimpses are awesome. And the ending sucks. So there ya go.

Then we thought we were going home, but they'd keep pulling up to us, and we'd keep pulling up to them trying to make plans. We did eventually get seperated, the passed someone behind us and got into the right turn lane, but it was too late for us. We flipped a bitch (aka: U-Turn), but hit two red lights and lost them. So...we gave up and went home.

You're wondering when did my parents come into our adventures, aren't you? Well of course you are, my parents never stay out of my fucking plot. Well...I called my mom from the diner (it was about 9:30...let's keep in mind I have a phone curfew of 9 o'clock) and told her we were on our way to the movies, weren't sure what we were going to see yet. I got a little interogation about was I wearing my seatbelt? Were there boys in the car? Were there girls in the car? Was there drinking going on (I was a smartass and said "no...oh wait, actually, I'm drinking water, does that count"? Was there drug use going on? Was I sure I was wearing my seatbelt? And I was ordered to call when I knew what movie and what time we were going to see. I wouldn't be home till 12:30 so I just spent the night at Amy's house (I had permission from my parents, of course)

This morning Amy wanted to make a paper for her notebook, a decoupage of Mariah Carey, so I read magazines while she found and printed pictures, I cut them out and then I was like "ugh, I'm ick, I need to brush my teeth and eat, I'm going home", so she came along too. My patience was running out a little big...I got home and my mom told me I had to label and date the pictures. Why? Because apparently I had kept them "hidden away" in my room. Uhh, no. I left them out for a week, no one took them so I took them to my room. She asked about them, I put them back out, pointed them out to her for a week, no one took them, so I took them back. So this is my punishment, I guess. I'm claiming that I can't date any of the pictures becuase if I have to waste my Saturday afternoon, she should have to waist part of hers too. It's trivial and bitchy, but I wasn't in a good mood already.

Amy came in my room as I looked for them and I was just like "Can you please get out of my room?", it sounded meaner than I wanted it too. Earlier she asked me if I thought Justin T. and Britney S. were cute together and I said "what the fuck do I care?", again, meaner than I meant it to be. But really, I don't. So, ugh...I was just feeling icky. I may be a very social person, but only in certain situations, with certain people, and there are very few people I can manage to spend 12 hours straight with, and Amy just isn't one of them. She's too dramatic for my tastes, if I try to reason with her she accuses me of not caring and threatens to starve herself, make herself throw up, or kill herself. As someone who has known people who have been anorexic, bulemic, self mutilating, or have attempted suicide I have no patience for people like Amy who think that they can use that shit to punish me. I told her that if she made herself throw up she'd lose her vanity because her teeth would be rotting and her throat would be bleeding, I told her it would take a long time for her to die from not eating, and if she killed herself she'd never know how I reacted. Of course, this makes her even more mad and this is usually when she starts to cry and say how miserable her life is, and how broke she is. Well...I have no patience for that either. She will proudly say that she spent about $1000 on clothes for the past month. Her closet is stuffed to the max with clothes, as are the three drawers of her dresser (I put all the clothes I wear into my closet...it doesn't even fill it a fifth of the way, and her closet is bigger than mine). I have no patience for someone who doesn't know how to budget her money, who spends all her money on material items and doesn't save any of it. She has to make car payments and pay for her insurance, but she doesn't worry at all, she'll bitch about it but she won't worry about it. She hasn't studied for her SATs at all, and hasn't taken them yet, and she's a senior. So, when she bitches and moans about money and school and grades I just have no patience for that. People who not only aren't self-sufficient, but can't be self-sufficient if they tried drive me nutso. Not to mention I was already in an icky mood. I just hate being around Amy sometimes. She makes me feel like I'm a digusting blob. She says how everyone is ugly without makeup (I barely ever wear makeup). She was feeling sick so she went around yelling about how she looked like crap, she looked 10 times better than I ever could be. She complains that she's fat and she barely weighs 100 lbs. I don't know, maybe she just likes to be around me because I make her feel better that she's not me. As I said earlier, we have a strange relationship because we like such different kinds of guys there isn't any competition between us. But...when you're just hanging out with guys, there isn't any competition because they all flock to her. I'm always just that "who is that 15 year old girl and why am I paying for her" chick that the guys look at strangely. Some days I just can't take it, and some days I don't mind. Yesterday was a day that I couldn't take it.

So...I was relieved when she left for work. Oooh ooh, the gossip :) I'm practically famous, love. My brother came home from the library and was telling me how he went to the football game last night (we won, yay *sarcasm*), and then a look overcame his face. "Brittany, I heard some comments about what you were wearing on the first day of school, and I was confused because when I came home you weren't wearing anything too bad". I explained to him my theory of why mom and dad shouldn't see my skirt, and hoped for the best (this is the brother that gave me a lecture about staying out till 11:30 when our parents were out of town, when he stays out till 6am some days. This is the brother that e-mailed my parents an e-mail of mine he found. I don't know if he's on my side or his, but I figured I didn't really have a choice because I'd been caught. However, due to his recent attitude I think he now feels like a co-conspirator with me, for whatever reason, perhaps he's not the sweet boy he used to be?). He just laughed and said it was a bad thing when people were coming up to *him* and telling him about *me*. I laughed too and said I only did it because I knew I could get away with it on the first day of school. Whew.

So...now I'm hoping Paco will answer the phone because we haven't hung out in *forever* and I want to go to the mall and acquire some things... Pixie

Friday, August 31, 2001

Oh Oh Four!

I will leave high school with "oh oh four" perpetually imbedded into my brain. Yes, that's right, I've just come home from an "assembly/pep rally", which I like to refer to as "go deaf, watch people make idiots of themselves, and jailbait cheerleaders shake their asses" rally. We have three teams of cheerleaders and a dance team, and I've devised a simple way of scoring them to help all of us who pay no attention to these kinds of things to differentiate between the four of them. Let's start with Freshman, shall we?

Freshman Cheerleaders
*First of all, may I say that when I was a freshman our team was better? Okay, I said it.
*Choreography: appears to be inspired by a bad show at a cheap strip club, except the cheer gurls are so stupid they don't know to take off their clothes
*Had no resemblence to cheerleaders, they blew off the "perky, cute, sexy" look and went straight for the "fuck me now cuz I can't dance" approach
*Ranking is symbolized by ugly white tops and orange skirts bearing only two pleats.
*Their song of choice had the lyrics "Girl your booty is so round, let me look you up and down"

Junior Varsity
*Choreography: just the right mix of cute and sexy, like a Britney Spears video without the implants
*Once again, cute and sexy, good facial expressions, they know when to pout and when to show those pearly whites
*Ranking is symbolized by okay white tops and white skirts bearing pleats all around.
*Their song of choice had the lyrics "You can do it put your back into it, you can do it put your ass into it"

Varsity
*Choreography: They're older and wiser and try to say away from sex and act more like cheerleaders
*Everyone still loves them because they are perfectly in synch, threw in some tumbling and girls being thrown in the air, and their choreography rocks
*Ranking is symbolized by cute black tops and black skirts with full pleats all around. But, each pleat is cut up about four inches showing me more bloomers than I needed to see
*Their song of choice was not remembered by me...I was too mesmerized by good choreography

Dance Team
*Considering that my middle school, WMS, has the best middle school dance team and are better than many of the high schools in the county, and WMS was the main feeder school for my high school, you'd think our dance team would rock. Not so. You see, 90% of the cheerleaders were dancer for WMS at some time.
*Choreography: is bad, they make up their own. While watching you wonder if they forgot to teach half the team it. They are out of synch, fidgeting with costumes and hair on stage, wander around looking for their marks, basically unprofessional and ick.
*They try to pull off sexy sometimes, but mostly end up looking confused. Oh yeah, and their facial expressions suck.
*Rank is showed by having horribly ugly costumes...they make you long for the ugly orange and white outfits worn by freshman cheerleaders.
*Music is...well, bad. They'll put in about six songs for five seconds each, constantly changing styles and not really getting into the groove that good dancers need to do.

"But Brittany," you say, "there must be more to a pep rally/assembly than that!" Well, unfortunatly, you're right. There was a hula hoopingcontest, and a rellay race where you had to carry a bone in your mouth, crawl to a bowl, and drop it in. Oh yeah, and the contest where a barefoot girl runs around holding a stick and everyone is supposed to cheer for it. Oh, the excitment of it all I tell you with the most sarcasm I can muster. Now, THAT is all that goes in a pep rally, aren't you jealous?

In other news, I adore all the teachers I've met so far. My chemistry teacher is a very funny man (when asked how long our biographies should be, he declared "they should be like a good miniskirt. Long enough to cover all the parts, but short enough to be interesting". He also has his theories of how women lie. Like...no one knows their true hair color, you can never buy clothes for them because they'll lie about their dress size. It all sounds very sexist, but he presents it in an amusing way, that even the girls who are used as examples have to burst out laughing).He got straight down to business and we've already been issued a book and three homework assignments. The second day of school!

Next class was Spanish 3. Well...I really like that teacher too. He speaks 99% of the time in Spanish, but is very animated and helpful. Paco, Poodle Girl, and Robin voiced that they felt lost, but I felt like I knew what was going on the whole time. Three acquaintances transferred into the class, which is nice. Two students in this class have caught my attention. The first is a guy named Tristan. He's the closest thing our school has to a techie boy. He's philipino and sports glasses with yellow lenses. Today he wore baggy raver style green pants and a yellow tee-shirt. There's just this thing about him...if I saw him on the street I'd want to take his picture. The second student is a cheerleader who is just such an American Girl it leaves me in shock. Light brown hair in a high ponytail, with ribbons of our school colors tied in. Pale skin with very little makeup, perfect posture, and she has the ability to chew gum and smile at the same time - even when she's talking. I'd normally find herannoying, but she has a quality about her...this class also left me with a book and homework.

Last class of the day was English. I love this teacher too. She has a "do I care?" meter perpetually set to "I don't care". She is very frank and upfront with us, and gave us tons of good information for college and being admitted. I like that. She's also a self-proclaimed metal head and loves KISS.

I'm very excited about all this because last year I didn't even have one teacher I liked. Before school started I went into the theater looking for Fairie Chick, and Trevor was there, so we started talking. I really like him and I can sooo see us being friends. I wish Fairie Chick would pick him instead of Anthony. Although it's a little awkward, because on the one hand I consider him a friend and don't want to break his confidence, but on the other hand I'm good friends with Fairie Chick and feel like there are some things she should know. I think I've found a good medium, though.

S., Duck, and I talked and decided on Tuesday, first break we're going to find a teacher to sponser our Gay Straight Alliance (from here on out known as GSA), and second break we'll talk to the vice principal about starting it. S. doesn't think it will ever happen, but I'm confident it'll get started - if only we can get people to come! Duck hasn't really voiced his opinions, but he's very excited about it.

I was quite serious with the bum-pinchers today about laying off, because A: I've got other things on my mind and it's hard to think about those and struggle to keep my clothes on, and B: I've got Biscuit. But, it's hard to say no to them, because they make me feel wanted and beautiful and sexy and worthy of their time. But Biscuit makes me feel happy...I really like him, even if he doesn't do all that.

I spent most of the breaks listening to Jennabe talking...I hugged Robert and Drew and Josh, and I got an awesome hug from Biscuit. Well, Fairie Chick inspired me to write a poem, and this is what I came up with. If you don't know who it's about then you must not be paying attention to me...

I never know what's going on,
Between you and me,
But I pretend not to notice,
Because I like you too much, you see.

You know I'm bi and think it's cool,
Yet you still say "fag" around me,
but I pretend not to hear you,
Because I like you too much, you see.

I look at your ex-girlfriend,
So pretty, so cool, so unlike me,
But I pretend not to see her,
Because I like you too much, you see.

I try not to think about,
How you chose her over me,
And I pretend not to care,
Because I like you too much, you see.

I see your gaze linger on other girls,
And the way you won't put your arm around me,
But I pretend it's in my imagination,
Because I like you too much, you see.

I told myself not to stay with,
Someone who made me cry, because they always hurt me,
But I pretend it's not your fault,
Because I like you too much, you see.

I don't want to confront you,
Because I'm scared of what you'll tell me,
So I pretend it's all the same,
Because I like you too much, you see.

This is always happening, I fall head over heels,
For someone who thinks I'm just okay,
And I'm forced to constantly look away,
Because I like them too much,
And I like you too much

PS: My English teacher did indeed call Fairie Chick Raven, and was quite confused when Duck and Josh showed up with a pass for Fairie Chick, under her real name, lol. Pixie

Thursday, August 30, 2001

The First Day Of School

*dun dun dun* no...it wasn't that horrible, really. I woke up this morning before my alarm (at 6 am! I fell asleep at 9:30, which is absolutely unheard of in my life), but went back to slee for fifteen minutes, and was awakened at 6:17 by my alarm. Good thing I set it because my mom didn't try to wake me up until 6:25....I told her 6:17, but whatever. I got ready (which for me consists of putting on mascara, doing my hair in two buns on the sides of my head, brushing my teeth, getting dressed, and putting on my boots, which took so long they deserve their own little part). I was running a wee bit late, but did arrive at Amy's house, and discovered that even if you're wearing a long skirt (at the time I was wearing a knee-length skirt, which actually looked pretty darn good with the rest of my outfit) is extremely hard to do.

Timmy, her little brother, and MoMo were coming with us too (if you remember, they were part of "the boys" when I was a kid). We got to school at like, 7:08, much later than I wanted, but that was okay. As I walked up the steps into the quad, there was Josh, his jaw dropped and he gave me a little wave. I went into the theater...no one was there, I went into the caf and saw S., said hi, but she hadn't seen anyone either, so I went back into the theater and put on my super short skirt. Next was homeroom, where I didn't know anyone (but recognized some people that were in my room last year). This poor freshman came in with her arms across her chest, looking at the ground. I thought she was going to cry. We did all that boring homeroom stuff, and had to wait 20 minutes for the other teachers to do their boring homeroom stuff. Ahhh...the sweet sound of the bell.

I went to first hour, where I sat between Patrick and Kyle. Unfortunatly, a lot of people I don't want to be in that class are. People like Brad, Mitch, Stephanie, Lindsey...basically so called popular people who make me feel ick (actually, Steph and I get along really nice, but you know...). Oh! On the way up the stairs there was a tap on my back...it was Jaston! I have avoided that boy's calls all summer, but you know...so we hugged and he was like "i've been trying to get a hold of you forever" and i was like "I've been out of town forever!". That class was boring...Then we got a break, so I went into the drama room and wow! First person I saw was Marshall, whom I hugged very long and very tightly. He graduated last year, but we all hoped he would stick around for a while. Then I saw Sarah...Biscuit's ex. I don't know if she knows about me and Biscuit, but it was awkward for me. I was never close to her, at all, but it just sucks to see this girl with this cute little body and these amazing eyes and long hair and she's just really pretty and cool, and then think to yourself, why is he with me when he could be with her?? I talked to Fairie Chick about it and she totally agrees, because Trevor used to like Sarah...so it's like, you want to hate her but it's totally not her fault that she's so pretty and that everyone likes her. Then I saw Duck, and we hugged and he went "ooh la la" and tried to unzip my skirt (actually, unzipping it half way. Yikes! My skirt has a zipper that goes all the way up on each side...). I saw Fairie Chick, wearing her corset looking gorgeos, we squealed and I gave her her present (which was a little mini Panda Express box with three condoms and some pics, and a note to her inside).

Then along came the spanking crew. They were Robert and Drew, man! They promptly smacked and pinched my bum, gave me huggles, and we talked. Robert was complaining about how his computer isn't working so he can't get any porn and he's masturbation-deprived. They were joking that they hadn't seen a girl all summer, more spanking was had, and Robert declared "finally, my sex toy is back!" It was...interesting. I went to my second hour class, which I have with Paco and Poodle Girl and Robin, so we all sat together. MoMo is in there too, along with people I knew from Spanish 2.

Next class I had with Fairie Chick so we walked together...first we went and saw Anthony, then we saw Trevor, and then we went to class. This teacher had a "how much do I care?" meter, and it was permanetly at "don't care at all". Galen was in that class...along with a lot of people I'm not really cool with. Fairie Chick declared she wanted to be called Raven, so we'll see how that sticks with the teacher. *giggle giggle*

And then I thought we had a break, but we didn't. So I was very very late to my next class. I knew some people there, but no one I was ever really close to, so I just listened to the cheerleaders talk about how they were sooo fat. Ugh. As I was leaving the class I walked into Nick, a friend of Jaston's that I used to have a crush on, and he hugged me and was just "wow, you look good!"

And THEN we had another break...back into the drama room. I copied down a poem Fairie Chick wrote about bi girls (which will be at the end of this entry, along with my class schedule). Biscuit came...I had his present but I set it aside and he didn't notice..so I'll give it to him some other time. I think something's up...because he sat by me and we didn't really talk, Fairie Chick took our picture and she had to tell him to put his arm around me, but I did get an awesome hug...he left, to "find someone I haven't seen since freshman year" or something like that. I just felt like, okay whatever, a bit ticked off. This girl was there, Jennabe, she's very cool. I used to do synchro with her for like, three years, I didn't even recognize her but I'm happy she's coming to my school now. Back came the spanking crew. Marshall tried to untie my boots, Drew tried to unzip my skirt and basically held me hostage (when I apparently flashed the world), lots of attempted-groping, the usual. I saw Nathen when I was walking to my next class so we walked for a few seconds and someone comes up to him and goes "nathen, aren't you going to introduce me!?". Hehe, his name was Zach. Going up the stairs I saw this guy...I used to know him, I used to like him, I went out with his older brother who was then a dick and spread rumors about me. His little brother hates me because I'm half the reason his older brother and this girl broke up. But...he looked me up and down and said I looked good.

In my next class Stevan was there, and I apologized for not calling him back the night before. It was nice to seem him again, sooo nice. He asked me if I was still bi...I told him I made out with two girls, and the status of my sexual orientation was known by all the strangers sitting near us, but it's okay for me now. This guy sitting behind me was named Shane and we talked to him. This guy sitting next to me was Pete, or something like that...he had gone to England for five years and now he hates Americans. I told the guy behind me he had cool shoes (black with yellow flames), but apparently I wasn't specific because Pete (who is very very annoying, I don't like him already) looks down at his plain white ugly basketball shoes and says "thanks" and compliments me on my boots. Uhhh, sure.

My last class of the day had Sara in it. Not Biscuit's ex, this is Jess's ex best friend. We talked about Jess, neither of us had seen her and we had no idea what was going on with her, and then we just kind of sat there. It was such a Breakfast at Tiffany's moment, where the guy and the bartender were only talking because they had loved the same girl. So...we sat there in silence, probably thinking about Jess. Sara was Jess's best friend until Jess made out with this guy that Sara liked...she was drunk, the guy didn't like Sara and said it was okay with her, but...it wasn't, and they stopped talking. One of the few times I've seen Jess cry was about Sara, and there was always that feeling because I knew I'd never be for her what Sara was...it was sad.

I found my bus...the bus broke down in the parking lot, we waited...and waited...and a replacement bus came. It was a tad bit worrisome because the driver was taking us far away from our homes, but then we realized he was just doing the route backwards, so we got home safe and sound. Also very happy because Nathen told me I look like I've lost weight. :)

So...when I first got my schedule I looked it over and asked myself "Which day will be the easy day? (at my school we have A days and B days. Each day has three classes that are an hour and a half long, and then we have 20 minute "nutrition breaks" between them). Haha, funny, no days are fun days. I have Chemistry 1 Honors, Spanish 3 Honors, English 2 Honors, World History Honors, Geometry Honors, and PE 2. Ugh. But that's okay. I think. For the first time in my life I'm doubting whether or not I'll be able to do it.

And now the poem Fairie Chick wrote, which I'm in love with and jealous of:
Hey little bi girl,
Come unload this gun,
Girls like you are frisky,
Girls like you are fun.

Hey little bi girl,
You act so bold and brass,
I like that in a girl,
Lemme fuck you in the ass.

Hey there little bi girl,
Got a friend or two?
Bring her over later,
I have an eager friend for you.

Hey there little bi girl,
Remember I own you,
Stay away from Pride Fest,
That's for fags and lezbos, not you.

Cause little bi girl,
You still swing my way,
Just stay fun and femme,
You'll live one more day.

*sigh* how society and men view us. Fun sometimes, ick others Pixie

Wednesday, August 29, 2001

Do A Little Dance...Go Polys...

Wow! Wow! School starts tomorrow, can you believe it? And I've got so much to say...and so much I wish I could say ;) One day I'll let you guys in on the secret. So...yesterday, wow. Amy came over...and I ended up staying the night at her house (who would have thought my parents would say yes...I was in shock too). So...we're at her house, watching Rent A Kid on Disney (whoo, cable...) and we decide we want to see the Princess Diaries. Good thing I grab my Altoids tin (aka: wallet) on the way out my door. We called all of Amy's people...to find someone to go with us. She has a lot of people, but sadly no one could/wanted to come. So...she came up with the bright idea of me calling Biscuit. I just happened to have his cell number on my hand (otherwise I wouldn't have had a clue), and we called, and got the voicemail. I was bummed, because I sooo wanted to see him (it's been over four weeks, if anyone else is counting). A few minutes later we got a call...apparently he was calling my house when I called his cell, how cool is that?

So...about a half an hour later it was decided that Biscuit and Trevor would meet us there, and we'd provide tickets (thank you Amy's dad, who gave our fund 15 bucks in quarters, and just doesn't know it yet). Well...Amy almost killed me on the drive there. She was using her left hand to hold her cell (see why you shouldn't talk on the phone when you drive!), and her right hand to steer. Well...I asked her to pass me her purse (there was some 15 dollar lipgloss in there I had to try...), little did I know it was on her left side. She takes her right hand (off the wheel!) to grab it. Of course the car goes whakko and into the left lane. She flings the purse at me (ahh, it hit me), and gives me a heart attack before putting the car in the right lane. Whew, that was close. We arrived somewhat safe and sound.

And then they showed up *sigh* We acted goofy, mostly. I kept slipping in my shoes (err...Amy's shoes...and I was wearing a long skirt, which I'm not used to), Trevor was making fun of me so I made him switch me shoes (I think I got the better part of *that* deal. Super roomie skate sneaks, aww yeah), we taught him how to walk in platforms and he started hitting on Biscuit. Funny...yet disturbing. We finally found our way to the...what's it called? movie room? Okay, we finally found our way to the movie room, and to our glee it was empty, yay!. Of course we sat last row, center, and goofed around...until people came. Dreaded people. Two groups of four. We settled down...the four of us squashing into three seats (because you know...the arm rests go up..) Biscuit was on my left, and I was half on his lap, half off. Amy was on my right, sorta just lying across everyone, and my legs were in Trevor's lap too, don't ask me how this all worked out.

This is my cue to say I admire polyamorists. Well, I always have, but I especially admire those who are involved in triads or more (three people all sexually/romantically involved, or more). It's just so hard to figure out who sits where, and then Amy would shift and we'd all have to move to get comfy again. And then there's a hand on your bum and you wonder aloud whose it is and everyone squeezes their hand to figure it out but you still don't know..I tip my hats to polys. The movie was cute...but, at one point I looked over and saw Amy's hand being held by another very guy-ly hand. Sure, we were all squished together, but I didn't want her holding my Biscuit's hand! A few minutes later I realized it was Trevor's *whew*

Afterwards the entire theater was empty, which was weird. We contemplated jumping behind the food counter and raiding the candy...but we saw the cameras and quickly changed our minds. We all said our goodbye's...I got a goodbye kiss from Biscuit, which I started laughing in the middle of. I was listening to Amy and Trevor's conversation...something about how Trevor's only been in two *official* car crashes. I wonder if Biscuit gets annoyed because during like, 90% of the time we kiss I start laughing. Hmm...but yummy, it was nice, it was good, it was foot-popping good (gotta see Princess Diaries to understand), his kisses and his face and his hair and his lips and eyes and hands were dearly missed.

This morning I talked to Fairie Chick...we talked all about the situation with her and Trevor and Anthony, and just talked about stuff. We discussed when we'd be getting to school...but I'm getting a ride with Amy (parents orders, haha) and she doesn't leave until 7. Grr...but you know, I have no other options. We talked more about our scandelous outfits of choice. I loafed around...I made her a little present that I'll tell you about tomorrow...I talked to Paco about the cross country meet. Girls and boys won, yay! And I guess that's it...can't wait for school, heehee. I tried on my outfit, and surprisingly the shirt is dresscode (straps are three inches thick), and if I pull my skirt down *a lot* then it's dresscode too. I can't wait, it'll be fun fun fun. Pixie

Tuesday, August 28, 2001

Yeah Yeah

The below entry is from August 26. I'm also proud to say that all my archive links work, and all the missing posts are back, because I'm a fucking genius. Hell yeah. So...anyways...let's talk. As I said earlier, talking to Poodle Girl and Sperm Girl freaked me out...and then I remembered something. At the begining of last school year Crystal and I wanted to be friends with Poodle Girl again. We were sick of having to ignore her on breaks and have all our mutual friends feel like they had to choose between us. So...we wrote her e-mails saying we wanted to be friends again, blah blah. She wrote us back saying she was happy being friends with Sabrina, and didn't need/want to be friends with us. Talk about a slap in the face. I wonder if Poodle Girl and Sperm Girl will still want to talk to me once I help start the GSA and they see my new outfits. Hmm...

So...you're all dying to know, how's life at home? It sucks, I hate to say. The morning after I got home my dad and I talked and it was really forced and uncomfortable, for me anyways. He didn't mention why he hadn't gone to the airport to pick me up, but I don't really care. And I just loafed around all day...we went to Panda Express for dinner and my mom said "you're so beautiful Brittany...I know that physical beauty isn't important to you, but you're beatiful here *touches my chest* too". This is a very different mom than the one who was telling Gama that I was a fucked up manic depressed sicko.

This morning my dad tried to talk to me again...he asked me about S. and I told him she went to church camp in the summer...he said "church camp?" I said yeah, lutheran, she goes every summer and he starts asking if it's a camp for gay people (because when I first started going to GBLT youth group I said I had been going to a Lutheran Youth Group...), I said no but there was some scandal because there was a gay church leader or something, and he started saying shit like...well maybe he thought it was the other kind of Lutheran camp, blah blah. Just being really stupid and making me feel ick. I just wanted to hit him, he was just being...I don't know, stupid.

But...I'll be spending a lot of time alone in the house, which makes me happy. My dad works 5 days a week, my mom works Monday to Friday, and gets home an hour and a half after I get home, but some days she has to go to university. My brother usually gets home an hour and a half after I get home too, but he'll be working after school so I get to be alone alone alone, which makes me so very happy.

I don't think I'll be able to see Biscuit until school starts, which makes me a little upset, but...the anticipation makes it almost better. Except we'll be at school :( In other news I'm going to attempt to stretch my lobes...again...this would be extremely easy except that my parents are anti-piercing in every way shape and form, so we'll have to see how this goes. I'm planning on ordering my jewlery from http://www.gen-xjewelry.com/ mostly because they're cheap. I sent them an e-mail asking if I can send well-concealed cash as payment...if I can then it'll only cost me about 8 bucks to buy two 12g CBRs. I figure I can wear them whenever my parents are away, at least 8 hours a day, until I get the nerve to wear them around them. We'll see how that flies. Also...the site sells sealed piercing needles for a buck fifty, so maybe I'll pierce my nipples after all. Pixie
Thoughts From A Plane

So, I'm on the plane, and I want to talk about some stuff <"stuff" is edited out because there are just some things you can't say in a blog...I'll just tell you it's about molestation and I don't want to talk about it any more because I don't know who reads this, sorry to all of you that aren't the people I don't want to know about it>. I took a nap today and then went online...Adrian was on and he told me he wouldn't be coming to the airport, which is a-okay with me. Star was online too and it was great to talk to him. Frankie (from GBLT group) has been calling him, but they miss each other and Star can't call him because Frainie's mom doesn't want boys call (ahhh, the joys of being the parent of a queer), so I get to tell Frankie what's going on and give him Star's e-mail addy. We also exchanged queer gossip. Andy broke up with Will. It also turns out that Andy broke up with Frankie. Now's the time to point out that Andy is 19/20 and Frankie is 14. Mmhm...he's a hearbreaker. So...Star has decided to become a good role model for Frankie, which I think is wonderful. We discussed my plans for a picnic. Right now it's set for Saturday, I figure everyone can bring their own lunch and I'll provide bubbles, finger paint, and boincy balls. Right now I'm thinking Star, Will, Frankie, S., Fairie Chick, Duck, Marshall (if we can get a hold of him), Jessy, Aubrey (her friend), and really, whoever else wants to come. Biscuit will probably not be invited because I've heard him say some homophobic things and it's not an issue I want to bring up. All I want is for everyone to have fun. So, as per usual, Star made me feel fabula.

Then I went over to Jeff's place to deliver him some Hard Lemonade and CD cases. I ended up staying and talking, just about stuff. He had some incense burninga nd I asked him about that, so he gave me some which is in my backpack now. I asked him about meditation and Buddhism, and he told me about it. Like...how it's all about learning to just exsist peacefully and not fight things. Even things like your foot falling asleep. Just acknowledge it's sleepiness, but don't let it overcome you and distract you, and don't try to fight it. This whole philosophy can be used in everyday life. I wish I had recorded him because it made a lot of sense then and now I just sound like a looney.

And we talked about his home, which is in Cali, and San Fransisco and bread bowls of clam chowder on Pier 29. How unfriendly people in Boston are - too caught up in work and money, just things like that. I thought it was really cool, just so nice to talk to him. I hope he thought the same and doesn't think I'm just some silly 15 y/o gurl that stalks him. He also gave me a copy of his CD and a Buddhist magazine (www.shambhalasun.com)

I'm also happy to say we took a picture together. It's not that I have a crush on him, not really, it's just that I sorta admire him and like him in a brotherly way, I guess.

Rie came over and we got food and finished watching Cinema Pardiso. A nice movie with a horrible ending. Horrible in a bad way. It was just nothing, and that was it. We hugged bye and took some pictures, of course, and that was it.

Gama and I exfoliated my face with the Body Shop's blue corn mask, wow! It feels great. That's also in my backpack. THen we waited for Roberto...and waitied...and waited...and called. He was stuck in the tunnel, so we called a cab. As we left the apartment Jeff came out and we hugged bye, and I gave his shaved head one final rub. Our taxi driver was funny and had chocolate skin and almond eyes. He made a call in a language I can only call Gullah (a word used in a book I once read), adn was from South Africa. We sped through the city with this ridiculous taxi driver, contemplating the pros and cons of missing my plane with reggea on the radio (it was on last year too, hmm), and it all seemed so fucking normal that this would be happening. I can't explain it.

But, we made it, and met Roberto at the airport. We all acted stupid together, which included me making a scene because *someone* (Roberto) tickled me as I walked and of course I screamed/laughed and everyone looked at me and at each other and did that "oh great, a crazy on our plane" nod. We said our goodbye's, and thatwas it. Maybe beecause we had such little time to think about it, maybe that's why we weren't sad and why I didn't cry. Or maybe it was Roberto's prescense, or maybe it was the three Hard Lemonades I knocked back, but this goodbye was not the heart wretching one of last year.

So...now I'm on the plane, just chillin'. Everyone's a little rowdy and the guy next to me appears normal and nice. But who knows these days. Gama also gave me the pick I had been using :) Pixie
What the fuck....?

What the fuck...what the fuck??? Oh gosh oh golly, I'm very nervous right now. I just got offline...I talked to Biscuit, which was nice except when I find out that Fairie Chick made out with Trevor yesterday. This is the gurl who just broke up with Trevor to be with Anthony. I have to call her...see what's going on and why. She's not happy, she keeps changing her mind and hurting other people in the process. I guess the other day Trevor was like "wait till Brittany talks to you, she's going to be so mad" or something like that, and Fairie Chick just laughed. S. was telling me this, warning me that Trevor thinks I'm on his side. The problem is...I am.

And I also talked to two more people. Sperm Girl, and Poodle Girl. They both started IMing me, and don't know why and I feel out of control which I hate so I'm a little shaken up. They just started talking to me...asking me what's up. Let's go back in time for a second. Sperm Girl is the girl who made out with CJ...and told my parents I was cutting because she wanted to hurt me, and that was the best way how. So I haven't talked to her for about 9 months. Poodle Girl told me to break up with a boyfriend because he was an ass, and then jacked off said boyfriend that weekend. That led to our falling out, with me and Crystal being concerned and her just being angry and not caring. I haven't talked to her for over a year. Actually, when we both still hung out in the same group she talked so much shit about me it was almost unbelievable. And they both IMed me today...just acting like everything is normal.

I've got much to say, but I don't want to say it now. I just wanted to state my confusion. Pixie

Monday, August 27, 2001

Viva Las Vegas

Yes my friends, it is true, I'm home. Viva Las Vegas. There are a few things I want to talk about before I type up what I wrote on the plane. First of all is my birthday present from my abuela. For those of you who don't speak any Spanish at all, abuela means grandmother, and in this case it's my dad's mom. I call her abuela, my cousin calls her abuelita, the same way you'd call your grandma grandma. There's some culture for you there. So...I come home, and on my bed is this gorgeous photo album. It's so pretty I think I'll take a picture of it and scan it. I'm so serious. It's white satin with violet and purple lace going aroudn it. It also has a string of clear beads going around it too. In the center of the cover is a square for you to put a picture in, that has these beaded/sequenced flowers on it, again with the string of beads and vilet and purple lace. The covers have ribbon that you tie and untie to open/close it. It's gorgeous, I'm so thrilled with it. Feliz cumple anos to me, from my abuela :)

And I feel fucking great. Not because I'm home, well sorta. It's because of my boots, and a great website (www.underwired.net).First of all, I read the entire Underwired archives, which is all about panties and bras and boobs and things, so lets talk about that. I developed pretty early, as did my best friend Sperm Girl. I don't think either of us ever had training bras, we just got bras in fifth grade and we needed 'em. And for a long time we were the only ones in our crowds with boobs, or for the few other early-devolopers, we definetly had the most to show. Now, neither of us are that big. I'm currently a 36B, and she's probably the same (although I don't talk to her, so I dont' really know). But...for a sixth grader, 36B is a powerful thing. It's captivating for middle school guys, and sometimes the occasional high school guys, and we used our boobs for all they were worth. Then other people started getting boobs and wearing bras. We were worried. Our power might be taken away. Well...I don't hang out with that crowd anymore, so I don't know what would have happened. I know Poodle Girl has boobs that no one believes are real (and they're not big, but people say she stuffs nonetheless), but now I'm in a new crowd. Are we less boob-oriented? Perhaps. Biscuit is an ass kind of man and he thinks my boobs are just fine. As for the other people...no one's complained or pointed anything out, which is fine by me.

So...where was I? Oh yes, I like my boobs, very much. I know lots of girls don't, but I'm in love with mine. See, I grew up with real woman, and lots of them. On the one hand, my mom's side of the family is well endowed. My mom and both aunts are all DD's. So I got to hear them complain about how much it sucks to have big boobs. My dad's side of the family...well they're all small, I'd say most are around a B cup, and I've heard them complain about the horrors of having little boobs. But, my boobs are perfect, thankyouverymuch. They're big enough that with the right bra and shirt I can make it look like I have ample cleavage and have to remind people to talk to my face (I find that to be facinating, actually, the way people don't talk to your face. But...this girl who sat behind me in math, well one day she came to school wearing a shirt that was slashed across the top, and she was complaining to everyone how everyone was looking at her chest. Well, I was transfixed too, and I was not interested in all at this girl, but...my eyes were drawn, it was beyond my control). However, I'm small enough that I don't have to wear a bra if I don't want to (with things like halter tops or snug tanks I usually don't), and that's fine with me. Actually it's great with me. I think it's a shame that other teenage girls aren't so happy with their boobs :(

Now...undies...you all know that I have a slight obsession. I'm anticipating having money so I can go shopping. I want to get some white cotton briefs, something I've never ever owned, but I think they'll be innocent and sexy (after my baby pink thong I now realize how sexy and fun innocence can be), and I want to get some sexy thongs...I have tons of cute thongs, but not really any sexy ones, so that's a mission for me, and I also want to get my corset, of course, but that's gotta go on hold for a while. Meanwhile...I want garter belts. I haven't a clue as to what I'll wear them with, since I don't wear stockings...maybe some thigh high fishnets, I don't know, but I do know that when paired with a thong they look sexy as fuck, and that's how I want to look. Is this obsession unhealthy? Probably...maybe I can get a job working at a store that sells lingerie so I can get a discount. That would work out nicely.

And lastly, my boots. If we all recall, I've got these awesome chunky funky 20 eyelet lace up black boots. They go to just below my knees, and have got these chunky funky heels that are hott. I just tried 'em on with the short miniskirt I bought...and my legs look great. My legs always look okay from the side, although probably a tad too muscular, but...in these boots...with that skirt...hell yeah. Am I concieted? Maybe I am sometimes, but I make up for it by feeling ugly a lot. So mmm, I can't wait to wear this skirt/boots combo. However, my mom hasn't seen the skirt, nor will she ever because she said I can't wear my other skirt, and this one is much much shorter. So I'll have to wait till school starts...but it'll be fucking great - as long as I don't get caught for dresscode. But...I've decided I really really like short skirt, I like the way they look and feel and make my legs look and how awesome they look with my boots. Plus you can get a whole bunch of neato tights and leggings and fishnets, oh my!

If Star ever teaches me how to sew than I'll definetly make more than my share of skirts. Well...this has been a long entry, so I'll type up my other ones later. New pics of me should be up at my website by Saturday, I'll let y'all know. Pixie