Saturday, August 25, 2001

Back Home

Well, not Las Vegas home, I'm back home in my own body :) I woke up this morning at 7 (ooh, yes that's a nice 11 hour nap, mmmm) and played guitar for an hour, got worried (my uncle gets home at 7:30) so I called his work and they said he was on his way. I got ready for dance because I was scheduled to leave at 8:20, and five minutes before that he walked in the door. So...I went to the T station and walzted on through (without paying, no one was there) and prepared for my adventure. Because I've got this wild luck that says every ride on the T will be an adventure. Sure enough three guys came down stairs (I had seen them standing outside) complete with duffel bags and guitar cases, very punked out and very very sexy and funny. We get on the train and la de da. Finally one of them asks me if I got my shoes at Hot Topic, I said yeah, he asked me which one (as I don't think there are any in Boston) and I told him Las Vegas. He told me he works in one in Chicago and that the shoes are crap...all the boots fall apart :( They asked me if I was going to the airport too and I told them I was going to dance. They all thought that was pretty cool (did they even have to ask? I was wearing black jazz pants, a black tanktop, with my hair in a high braided bun - even I know I look like a dancer). They asked me what I was doing in Boston and I told them my uncle had gone to Berklee and I come here in the summers. Turns out they were at Berklee for the guitar session. A very nice conversation, but we parted ways at Government Center.

I flew to the building because I thought I was terribly late and signed up for jazz and ballet and flew down the stairs only to find Jeanette hadn't even arrived yet. There were a lot of people there, many I recognized - I wonder if any of them recognized me. There's this girl, and she's so beautiful to me. Her face isn't pretty, but her body is of a dancer. She is about 5'6" with very tan skin, honey colored hair. Wearing a black leo that was cut low in the back (revealing a tan line) and black tights over that. She's very lean and lithe with just the most perfect legs and feet and body and ugh, I'm jealous and in aww at the same time. However, her bum is not cute, it's not a dancer's bum, which was a dissapointment. The girl is great in ballet I'm sure, however, she doesn't have enough passion for jazz. So...we stretched out and it felt so GOOD. Orgasmically good. For me, dance is all about sex. It's about your body and moving and it's just very physical and sensual. Especially with Jeanette. She gets you very in touch with your body and next thing you know you're circling your hips and making bedroom eyes at the mirror. It's as good as therapy, it really is. So...we stretched, and then she threw in a little adagio (4 ron de jambs, attitude right leg towards front, passe, develope alasacombe, coupe back. arabesque right leg, padde boure. Attitude front (facing mirror), extend, pelvis tips up fall foward, coupe left leg. Step back left, right, left, side. Repeat. Sorry you guys, that's for my own referance), more stretching, and onto the dance.

We did Ricky Martin - She Bangs, except a jillion times faster. It's a good song to dance to, turn it up, the walls vibrate (oooh) the beat pulses and you can really get into it. The dance was very hippy, lots of little shakes, gestures, shimmies - my favorite kind of dance really. And all too soon, it ended. I decided not to take the ballet after class (it was a substitute) and just went home. Actually, first I went to Newburry Street and acquired four zines, then I went home. And now I'm here and I feel good good good. Soon I'll go play guitar some more. Can you believe that? Even I realize how strange that is. Pixie
We The People

Have concluded that I just don't *look* like a guitar player, but doesn't that kick ass anyway? I'm already thinking of scratching getting an MP3 player for x-mas and getting a guitar. Turns out my brother's friend Ryan plays guitar, which leads me up to my next point. Strange strange dreams. In my first dream I was in love with a T-rex and he was walking through the snow behind me and he had his hands on my shoulders and my waist and I was running them all over my body. A freaken dinosuar you guys! And then I had a dream I was back at my second house when I ran into Danny, and he was with Ryan so they came to my house and I asked my mom if I could go out and she was like no no and I'm like "well, Adrian drives with Ryan and he goes out with Danny" and there wasn't anything she could say to that really, so she said okay. My brother wasn't happy with the situation either. So..I go to change (I had just gotten back from a boring part of my dream which involved Nick, my aunt, swimsuits, and driving) and they all (including my brother) follow me downstairs. This is strange because although in my dream it was right in my mind that this was our third house, it doesn't look like our third house. But I've dreamed of it being our "third house" in other dreams too. I wasn't sure what I would wear, because I didn't know what clothes I had because I wasn't sure how old I was (I was in second grade when we lived in that house). Danny kept asking me how old I was and I told him I was legal enough and winked. They were sitting on the bed when I changed, and I could see through a mirror that Danny was just staring at me, open mouthed. Everytime I removed an article of clothing his jaw dropped further.

Ryan went to talk to my brother and when he came back he was asking for old lube, he asked my brother and my bro said our father was a minister (??my dad works in a casino!) and no lube would be there. I said I might have some and rummaged through some drawers, but answered negative. This of course made my brother more nervous. Finally we got out of there (with my brother throwing out ideas like I should wear a "I won't be corrupted" pinned to my shirt so I don't forget. So I did, but I added "I won't be corrupted unless I want to", hehe. Soo...we're driving around and Ryan decides we should go to this movie, Danny asked me if I wanted to get wet and how old I was, I told him "sure" and "it doesn't matter" (because I really didn't know). Well...we get to the movie theater and everyone is going wild outside, playing in hoses and stuff. We all stipped down to very little clothing and I started dancing very closely with some very pretty girls and Danny kept coming over and next thing I know I'm all over him. It was wild.

Strange dreams. The strangest part is that in my room on the cieling there were silver coins (dimes, nickles and quarters) stuck into the ceiling. Hmmm....

My fingers hurt (from the guitar you asses!) but in a good way. I shall play play play and then at 8:30 I get to dance dance dance. Oh yeah. I'm sooo giddy! Pixie

Friday, August 24, 2001

Giggle Giggle

I'm so happy that I've put a sitemeter on my page. Not only can I see how many people come to my site, but I can see how they found me. People have found me by searching for:
*boys in thongs
*volleyball slang terms
*naked sushi body
*body jewlery
*pixie masturbation
*paloma porn
*male porn stars true measurements
*pantsuit fetish
*big body

So how about that? Should I be concerned about this? Well...maybe, maybe not. I'm honored that people found me under "pixie masturbation" (my god, how come I've never searched for that? pixie porn, yes, pixie masturbation...I know where I'm spending my next few hours, hehe). Paloma porn I thought was interesting, which paloma were they looking for? Paloma Herrera (dancer), Paloma Picasso (well, duh)? I'm sure no one was looking up porn for brittany paloma....The male porn stars true measurements, I have no idea how that even relates to me, I must have talked about it somewhere...I don't know, I didn't see my page on the search page so I've got no idea. And pantsuit fetish, I never even knew there was such a thing. So, I love that such strange people come to here (even if they don't stay), and I think it's sorta nifty that you can look up some freak thing and find me. Wow. But it still makes me giggle. Pixie
Volcano Girls

You guys will never ever believe what I have to tell you. At least, I think you won't, I hardly believe it! But, you have to wait. Aren't I horrible, of course I am, that's waht makes me so damn fun! Well...first of all, I watched Dancer In The Dark with Bjork last night, oh my gosh that is the saddest most horrible movie I've seen. It was wonderful of course, but wow...I just started sobbing. We're not talking a few tears shed or crying, no no, I was letting out choked sobs, all the while telling myself "It's just a movie, it's just a movie, stop crying it's just a movie!" But's really just emotional draining to watch it. Not for very sensitive people. Well...depends what you like. I've cried when I've seen a couple dance, I've cried during songs, I've cried at movies, I cry when I read books, but this was just like man, so sad, so horrible. But oooh so good.

Next in the news is today I went to Legal Sea Foods and had clam chowder. Our waiter was very...photogenic. Yes, he made me want to take his picture, I probably would have asked if we had brought the camera. It was Rie, Gama and I. The clam chowder that I was so looking foward to was not up to San Francisco par :( I was dissapointead, but it was still yum. But our waiter, light skin, very clean cut, well shaven, no facial hair. Light brown hair kind of spiked, and these blue blue eyes. To me, the most ideal combination is brown hair and blue eyes, I think the most delcious thing would be to have someone with dark dark brown hair (although not black) and a pair of intense blue eyes. I've yet to find a blue-eyed person with dark enough hair (that wasnt black).

And...I feel so weird and out of my body. I was wearing my favorite pair of shoes (my flip flops) and we were walking home from the restaurant and I just felt off, I didn't know how often to step, how long my stride should be, how I should wiggle my hips or move my arms. Just like the recipe for a Brittany had been thrown off, which is bad. I like to feel *in* my body, not out of it. But I go to dance tomorrow and I know that will help ground me and make me feel more like me. It isn't a surprise I feel like this, I haven't danced or ran or worked out or anything, so I forget to listen to my body. Unless you've been involved in a sport or meditating or yoga I think it's hard to understand, but when you become aware of your body (which you have to do when you use it more), you learn when you're out of touch with it.

Okay, finally, the news that we've all been waiting for. I'm playing guitar, no joke. My uncle was just messing around on his guitar and he was like "hey, we should teach you a song", so he puts on my Veruca Salt CD, asks me my favorite song (Volcano Girls) and he starts to learn it, then he teaches it to me. Wow, it's so cool, I like it. I'm actually thinking guitar for christmas instead of MP3 player, it felt as good as it does when I dance. Insta-happiness. So I've been practicing that. It's only like, a count of eight that's repeated three times, but like I said, he just sat me down for a few minutes so I haven't had a chance to learn anymore. Then Gama was like "hey, I should get you a guitar for Christmas" and I said "my parents would freak" and we both laughed, because we knew they would, and we knew my brother would. And we laughed because it's so true, even I can't see myself playing guitar, it freaks me out, and I'm not sure why. I really can't figure it out, but it's so true. So, my parents would be freaked out because a.) It's so strange for me to play guitar, not sure why that is, but it is, and b.) my uncle plays guitar. He's played guitar for as long as I could remember (at least since I was in second grade), and I'm sure he picked one up long before that. My mom says I'm so much like Gama already, and she says it like an insult. Imagine her fright when I pick up a guitar! My uncle used to be into drugs, and he didn't (and doesn't) see anything wrong with it, my mom knows I've smoked pot and thought that was a-okay. My uncle doesn't think you need sex with marriage, and neither do I. My uncle used to paint his nails black, I do that too. And I'm sure it'll be a tragedy if I grow up like him *sarcasm*. I think it'd be great to grow up and be like him.

So yeah, this guitar thing is awesome. S, if you're reading this (and you better not be because you never answered my e-mail therefor I'm assuming you don't have internet access!) you've got to let me play my little song for you, and you've got to teach me more :) You'll be my idol forever :) Yeah...a guitar would rock. Maybe I'll ask for one for Christmas, I might just do that... Pixie

Thursday, August 23, 2001

Yes It's True We're Living In Deliscious Sin

Deliscious sin, doesn't that sound absolutely marvelous? It does to me! The other night I just lied on the floor, not wanting to go to sleep but wanting to rest, and my thoughts drifted to Biscuit...and the next thing I knew I had fantasized for an hour. I wasn't touching myself physically (well, except I was curled up in a ball because it was cold, even under the blankie), but it was just as good. It is true that everything is in your head. Now, maybe it doesn't seem productive to you, but to me it was an hour well spent. It was deliscious, to be sure. No really, it was. Okay so now I come across as the pervert and you come across being holier-than-thou, new subject!

So...I know I know, I haven't written for a day or so, I must be living in deliscious sin, right? Sadly no, I'm still in Boston. Well, I'm happily in Boston, just sadly not living in deliscious sin. First of all, the good good news. I get to go dancing! *does a little dance* On Saturday yours truly is heading to the first studio she danced at (Jeanette Neil) for a two hour jazz class and a one and a half hour ballet class. They're the same classes I took last summer, so I'm hoping to use them as a gauge for my improvement, but it's really not fair because I haven't danced in like, two months. However, I'm greatly looking foward to it, you have no idea. I've been grande jette-ing around the apartment.

Next in the news is I talked to Paco today. Fairie Chick is officially with Anthony *grumble grumble*. You know, I should be thinking wow that's great, that dick (Trevor) deserved it, because he was basically the reason Biscuit went out with Sarah instead of me, but I can't think that, because now I know Trevor and I think he's really wonderful, which is why it's such a shame he and Fairie Chick broke up :( Also, Fairie Chick bought a corset. Red and black. I love that girl, I really do, I love her to pieces, I loved wearing matching bondage skirts and boots and wings to school, but the corset was supposed to be *my* thing. And mine is red and black too. I don't mean to sound maliscious, but I hope mine is more gorgeous, just because I've wanted it for so long and I'll have to wait a few more months to get it and it's so agonizing. In a book I just read they talk about how the peasant woman has so many more beautiful clothes than the rich woman, because the peasant woman yearns and plans and to her they're so beautiful, while to the rich woman they are just another dress in her closet, and don't mean anything because she got them with a snap of her fingers.

Talking to Paco was great. He couldn't get me a locker but we're going to share one so it's okay, and he's already gotten his. He's a little bummed out because his sister just went away to college. He hasn't told Ms. Allen that I'm not on the team now, I really loathe having to do it, although of course I should. I'll just tell her the truth, while I like running I won't have the time to do it with my schedule for dance classes and school, and I really don't think it's in my own best interest, or something like that. It's just...I feel like I've let her down, but really, running doesn't make me happy. I don't mind running, and I think it can be really great sometimes, but if I have to go run every day because I *have* to, it will just be another thing that I don't want to do that makes me unhappy, and I'm trying to avoid that.

My uncle and I went and rented six movies today. I've already watched Pulp Fiction and The Mexican. The first one was pretty good, I'd never seen it before, although I wish Mia was more of a charecter because I really did like her. I have no idea what the movie was about, but it was funny and entertaning. The Mexican was very funny and very cute, and it made me wish Biscuit was here. It really is true, absence makes the heart grow fonder, because I'm goimg crazy without him. You don't even want to know all the ideas going in my head to tell him how much I've missed him. It was a good movie though. One side note on Pulp Fiction, to give you an idea of what kind of strange person I am. These two enemies are fighting when this store owner captures them and ties them up. They have ball-gags in their mouths. For those of you not in the know, a ball gag is when a ball is actually placed in your mouth, and then leather straps or cloth go around the back of your head to hold it in place. Very much used in the BDSM scene. So...I'm watching the movie and I think to myself "wow, those are some really nice ball gags, those are just fucking perfect...they've got to be into some BDSM thing or something because the average person doesn't just have those liying around". Sure enough, the captors were, as they brought out "gimp" wearing full leather, studs, completely tied up and hooded and everything. Uhhh, orgasm right there. But man, how many of the 15 year old girls do you know think to themselves "wow that's a really nice ball gag..."? Yeah, no one else I know either.

I started studying again for my SATs, I hadn't picked up the book since I got here. I left off right on the math section, and so when I went back, wow, I think that will be so simple for me. The book tells you to use process of elimination and they teach you all these tricks to figure out the questions, well I took an example of the hardest ones (which are ones that the vast majority of people won't be able to answer) and I solved it myself, without reading anything. So, I think it will be a breeze. It's just the English part I'll have to worry about, but I really don't think it will be a problem. I haven't taken any of the practice tests so I have nothing to base it on, but I'd say that without reading anything about the SATs I could have gotten an above average score on it.

I'm getting back into the zine scene. Right now I've put up a few ads saying I'm looking to contribute to other zines, and I've already gotten like, four replies. So, I'm working on those. I figure I'll put out my first zine in November. The only reason I really want to contribute to zines is to a: get my name out there and b: get free copies of the zines. Right now I'm working on a fiction story about a pixie princess named Brittany, who sneaks out of her castle and into the city, where she sees such diversity within the pixies she can't believe her luck. But when she tries to make friends with them they're all cruel to her, the ravers think she doesn't rave enough, the preps are scared of her, the punks think she's a poser, etc etc. So finally she wanders into this store where the evil sales guy forces her into a box with a clear little label, and she conforms to that box and to that label until finally she's forgotten who she used to be. Pixie

Wednesday, August 22, 2001


Well....I took a nap, I was a sleepy pixie. But not until after I called Biscuit, which was really really good. I was just like *sigh* when I heard his voice because it's been so long you know...I haven't talked to him or seen him for three weeks. So we just talked and made dorks of ourselves you was just really nice. He tried to guess his present, and all he's gotten is that it's green, rectangular, fuzzy, and squishy. So there you go: any guesses? I'm worried about what he's getting me though. He hung up with plans to go to the mall to see how much "it" costs to see if he could swing it. I spent less than $15 on him...I don't want him to spend too much on me :(

I played Exile, I'm so stuck, I'm doing it right (have my uncle here to confirm it), but it's not working for me, which bites. I also heard Jeff's CD. Most of the people I talk about (Rie, Ariel, Jeff, Ben) went to or go to Berklee: School Of Music, like my uncle. So of course everyone has a CD and everyone's really musically involved. Jeff's going as an engineer and...something else. Singer, songwriter, guitar player, one of those, I forget which one. So...I went back to his apartment to give him back the CDs we had already copied and to my surprise he had been practicing guitar. Gama swears he used to practice guitar before he got, every time we walk past or go in he's doing one of four things: sleeping, eating, watching TV, going on the comp, or getting high. That's all he's done this summr, that's all I saw him do last summer. So...when I told Gama and Rie how he was playing guitar they laughed because they know it's such a surprise. So Gama got Jeff's CD and we gave it a whirl, since I've never heard him sing or play.

Wow...I felt really bad listening to it, like I had peeked into his diary without his permission, because it's just so personal. It was very unexpected, Jeff's a happy goofy guy, I expected his songs to be too. They were all very sad slow love songs. Very good, of course, but very sad. And it's just like wow, you know, I've never seen that side of very very personal, but maybe that's what made it so good.

I also talked to Amy, she says she's going back to being a good girl because the bad girl lifestyle just isn't good for her anymore. She went into a period of not eating, drinking a lot, taking caffiene pills and sleeping pills. How familiar does that sound? Yeah I know...but it felt really good to talk to her, and to Biscuit to. I don't miss home, I just miss the people there. Most people consider their family to be their roots, my family will never be mine, so I just have my friends. Talking to them makes me feel more grounded, less whirl-windy.

And the final news of the day is about memories. How music links to memories, for better or worse. I know I've talked about how I can't listen to BBMak or LFO without thinking of CJ. It got to me enough that I stopped listening to them entirely, but I can listen to them, I still think of CJ, but it doesn't hurt anymore. A lot of these CDs have so many memories, I was just sitting there with this big stack, switching them back and forth just wanting to listen to certain songs. Like the first time I head the whole Edwin McCain CD was on the drive up to Mt. Charleston with Sperm Girl, the one and only time I ever stayed at their cabin. And the Sublime CD we "borrowed" from her dad's collection, we used to turn it up and sing at the top of our lungs. Des'ree. We sang one of her songs in the school talent show when I was in fourth grade. We also used to sing her songs at the top of our lungs. Poe...I first heard her when I was like, 11 or 12, we did one of her songs at a synchro meet, we one first place (of course), it's still the best routine I've ever done. Paula Cole. I had her first CD but it melted, I was driving in Poodle Girl's car, with her family, in a red Durango when I heard a familiar voice on the radio. I asked them to turn it up and realized it was Paula Cole, a new CD. And I listen to them again and just remember it all and I just can't believe it, the human brain mystifies me. I can remember exactly where I was sitting in the durango (in the middle, on the right side, Poodle Girl was next to me, her brother in the back, her parents in the front), I remember exactly which 7-11 we were driving past, the way the car still had a new-car smell. That was about two and a half years ago, but it all comes back....Des'ree! I haven't heard that CD since I was in fourth grade and I still remember all the's just wow. And it's kind of sad, because a lot of those memories were with Sperm Girl, and I really do love that girl, I think I can honestly say that. We had a lot of good times and she really was my best friend, but...(and there's always a but), we just weren't good for each other in the end. I stood in her way for the quest for popularity (which was thrown at me, and I didn't want it. I had already stopped talking to her by then, if I had told her about it she would have done all in her power to make me go), and she stood in my way for happiness, because she just kept hurting me in all those ways that only your best friend knows how.

I think the thing you have to remember about memories is that while it's nicer to remember the good, you've got to keep the bad in mind, otherwise you'll just go back to where you started and you'll never grow as a person. This is pixie the philosopher, signing out. Pixie

Tuesday, August 21, 2001

On Broadway...I'm Loaded Baby

You will not believe the good fortune I've had in the past few hours, wow! On one of the message boards I post at ( , under "Special Groups" in young dancers) I asked about what one needs to become a broadway dancer, and I found out two very good things. One is that you of course need to be trained in everything, especially ballet, jazz, singing, and acting, but also lyrical, tap, ballroom, and every other kind of dance. I think this will be really fun to dip my toes into, just to try the different kinds and see if maybe possibly... The second thing I found out is that the moderator (Victoria Leigh, former ABT principle) had a godchild in Cabaret, LuLu (Milena Govich), and wow, this girl, you will never believe it! First of all she's very pretty, she is trained as a ballet dancer, singer, and actress, and graduated from college with majors in music and pre-med, and minors in dance violin. She had the violin solos in the show, and played the main charecter a few times. Can you say wow!? Anyways, I just thought that was very very cool.

The other news is that I've hit jackpot. I went over to Jeff's house and got a ton of CDs, I'll list them later (sorry, had to do some window shopping with my uncle at, they have silver bubble blowers, 400 dollar party hats and 300 dollar noisemakers!) So...anyways, the CDs I'll have copies of are:
*Cabaret Soundtrack
*Poe - Hello
*Garbage - Version 2.0
*Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want
*Jamiroquai - Synkronized
*Jamiroquai - Traveling Without Moving
*Dido - No Angel
*No Doubt - Return of Saturn
*Paula Cole - Amen
*Des'ree - I Ain't Movin'
*Alanis Morisette - Jagged Little Pill
*Lisa Loeb = Firecracker
*Edwin McCain - Misguided Roses
*Bjork - Post
*Fiona Apple - Tidal
*Fionna Apple - When The Pawn
*Letters To Cleo - Wholesale Meats and Fish
*Sublime - Sublime

Some of these I've heard before (alanis, poe) because I had all the MP3s or I had the CD/tape before, but lost it. Some I knew I liked a few songs, and some I just recognized the artist so I said what the hell, I'll never have this opportunity again. Jeff is such a sweetie to let me borrow them! So...I've got this big stack of CDs that my uncle is going to burn for me. I'm one happy Brittany, that's for damn sure. Wow! You see...I don't buy CDs because they're too expensive...I'd have to save for two weeks just to get one. Especially when I can get all the MP3s I want. The thing about those can't take them with you. I can't listen to them in my room, and I don't feel comfortable downloading too much stuff to my brothers computer (although he's got gadzooks of memory). So the thought of owning all these CDs is just wow! Consider this, previously I own two veruca salt, one incubus, one usher, one frank sinatra, and one rickie lee jones cd, and that was it. Gosh I'm giddy :) Pixie
Oh, and I've decided that my ideal job would be singing and dancing on Broadway. The best thing about Broadway is that they need everyone. Cabaret featured short girls and tall girls and curvy girls and flat girls; they had muscle men and a clean cut man; an elderly couple. There is always a show looking for something. I think when I get back to Vegas (and get a job) I'll start taking two ballet, one jazz, and one voice lesson a week. I mean really my dears, why not?

I wish I had a scanner. Then I could just scan what I write in my written journal and you'd get the colors, get to see my handwriting, and the little doodles that I make sometimes. I was very much in a doodly mood today, as when I was writing my uncle was listening to the Cabaret soundtrack, and it was hard to concentrate on anything, so I just doodled. I have a little mendhi styled flower, and a picture of where we went this morning, and a little duck that we saw be-boppin' along, and a self-portrait that looked much more like an alien than me. All in pink, because I was in a pink mood today.

Gama and I went to the river this morning. It was very gray outside, the fog melts into the clouds and you can't see the tops of buildings. The river was very brown/black. Somehow all this was very beautiful. It was a bit cool, but not uncomfortably so. We sat cross legged on this wodden floating thing (can you tell I'm not used to being around water?), my sandals kicked off, a newspaper in my lap.

The fish were very energetic toda. They kept splashing around. I finished Tortilla Flat (John Steinbeck) and Answered Prayers (Truman Capote), they were both very good. My uncle gave me three more books he wants me to read before I leave, and I still have three books I brought with me and the Capote Reader that my uncle gave me to read. My uncle bought me a subscription to One magazine. It's all about the way things look; architecture, fashion, interior decorating, it's very cool with lots of information about the latest and greatest nifty things, if you're into that kind of things. Even cooler, later today we're going to Jeff's house (well...apartment really, but you know...) and I'll brows his CD for ones I want Gama to copy for me. Berklee students and teachers have more CDs than your average joe blow. This one teacher of Gama's, whose name I don't remember (although we all got drunk together last summer, fun time), he had more CDs than you could ever imagine. His walls were covered in shelves of them, he devoted a closet to them, I would have guessed that he had over two thousand. He also had hundreds of DVDs (most he hasn't watched) and even more VHS tapes. Jeff has about six feet of shelves that are five feet tall, he's almost out of room. My uncle doesn't have as many as that, just a little three feet by six feet set of shelves that are only halfway filled. So...I shall come home with some good CDs :)

I feel really pretty today. My hairsticks are in my hair, holding it in a bun, I'm wearing my silver-star racelet, a black tank, and my new red pants. Gama says that they fit me well. I feel like a dancer in them - I'm not sure why, but I do. And I feel very pretty, which is a nice change because for a few days before NYC I felt like an ugly blob. Although my head hurts, I feel naseated, and I have cramps. The joys of being a chick. For all the guys out there who will never understand period woes, be nice to your girlfriends and wives when they're on they're period, it's really a drag, buy her whatever she wants to eat and give her lots of pillows and watch some movies. Oooh and rub her back. There is nothing better than a good backrub for this time of the month. Trust me, she'll fall in love with you.

I'm really happy here in Boston, it will be sad to go, possibly worse than last time. I wrote how I felt on the plane ride home last summer (much to the annoyance of the person sitting next to me), and it's really sad to read. I cried most of the way home, very sad, I felt like my heart had been wretched out. When I'm here, even just laying down reading makes me happier than I ever was at home. I want to buy a few plants when I get home. I can't keep them in my room in the summer because I keep my cutains shut tight, and don't really have a place for them, but I will put some flowers in some containers for the backyard, just to have. And I want to learn how to sew, I think I really will learn this time. There are so many things I want to do...I think I'll start to see more shows in Las Vegas. I know I want to see De La Guarda, O, Blue Man Group, Mystere, there's tons more. I can get the money for them, but my parents will wonder where I got the money, and I'd have to convince them to give me a ride to and from. My parents don't see things like that as being important, but to me they are.

Oh, the upstairs neighbor finally complained (said Brittany, looking like the cat that swallowed the canery). Gama was at Jeff's apartment (which happens to be next door), when there was a knock on the door. They answered it, and an almost-frantic man asked them if they heard loud music at four in the morning. They shook their heads. The man said oh, well he always heard it coming from next door. Gama says "oh, you mean from my apartment?" and the man says "no no, from number 7". This is amusing, because we live in number seven. Gama tells the man that, and tells him that our music is never loud. This is the same man who buzzed us a few days ago asking if we had a piano. Well my friends, we don't have a piano, although I do play the music a little loud at night. days of annoying the neighbors are done, although they continue to annoy me. Yesterday I heard this ringing sound, like Christmas Bells. I kept looking up, expecting that my uncle was awake. But he wasn't, nothing was moving. It was then that I realized that the ringing came in time with the upstairs people's footsteps. THEY MUST HAVE BEEN WEARING BELLS ON THEIR FUCKING ANKLES!!! Gah. Well...I would not be surprised if they found a dead fish on their doorstep one day, courtesy of me. They're driving me nutso. Pixie

Monday, August 20, 2001

It's A Wonderful Life

It really is sometimes. Today was an absolutely FABULA day, dahhhlin', and that's really how I feel. This morning my uncle came home and we worked out, ugh, hard hard hard. We did my shoulders, back, chest, and lower abs. I hurt now, but it feels good. And then Rie came over because we had a plan to go shopping. She brought some Putney stuff and it seems so awesome, I think it would be so great to go. But, at the cost of $27,000 a year, I'm aware that that's impossible to do. But, it's nice to chat to Rie about. So...Rie and I finally went off, leaving Gama alone because he needed to sleep. He's a big potatoehead, and I only say that because he calls me and Rie potatoe heads too. So...first stop was Urban Outfitters, and she asked me what I needed and I told her just school clothes...and a present for my boyfriend. She starts squealing "oh my gosh you have a boyfriend?! You didn't tell me that!" so, I told her about his little plan and she thought that was really sweet. At first I was just like, blah blah. It takes me a while to get into the shopping mood. But then she just started grabbing clothes and I started grabbing clothes and we tried 'em all on and...gah, it's so horrible when you have to make a decision about what *not* to get :( Then we went to Allston Beat. Allston Beat is like a big Hot Topic, 'cept they mostly sell clothes. It's really wild. Rie was a little apprehensive about it, loud music and stuff, but I got way into it, and then the best thing happened. This girl was so awesome. Her hair was brown with pink tips, she was wearing a shirt with marylin monroe on it, but the sides were cut and safety pinned back together, a blue leapord print skirt (very short), and a studded belt was slung on her hips. Plus these awesome tights that were like, big diamonds, and chunky funky boots that went to mid-calf. So...she started throwing herself into our shopping spree and bringing me a billion skirts. Oh, how I loved them :) We finally decided on this black skirt that has a blue sparkly print of some band (Depeche Mode, possibly? I forget), really really cool. Very very short. And I was just like, hmm...but my legs...but Rie assured me my legs looked great and the saleschick (whose name I never caught) told me that it's all about stance. She's like "see, look at my legs, I don't have great legs, but I rock, and I know I do, so when people see me they're just going to go wow...she's sexy!" She had so much energy I just got into the mentality too. And then Naomi helped us find a rockin' shirt, and off we went.

We were on the search for my hair sticks...I saw these really pretty hair sticks, but we couldn't find them on Newburry, so we decided to go to the Prudential to see if they were there. And...tada, they were at Express. They were 10 bucks each and we're like "ooh...", but I decided to get them anyway, when we saw a little sign that said "2 for $10" and we're all happy and "yay!!!" We get to the register, and this person with gorgeous blue eyes tells us that they're 2 PAIRS for 10 bucks, so we got two! How awesome is that? And then...we went to Godiva, which is a chocolate place. Rie is very much a chocolate person. We walked in there, smelled, went "mmmm", looked at each other and laughed. It was great. At first we were just going to get three pieces each, and a chocolate bar for Gama, but we ended up getting 5 pieces each, a chocolate bar for Gama, and a little tin of "biscuits", which were really just a high class of those girl scout cookies...chocolate, with chocalate mint inside? Mmmm, it was to die for.

Then we went to get french fries, because we were a little hungry, and that was yum yum yum. There are actually places to *sit* at the mall, it was incredible. I was shocked. And then....(yes, we really did splurge today) we went to JP Licks and I got some Mango Sorbet, yum yum yum. We had one final stop...I had an idea of what to get Biscuit, I told Rie, and she told me she had the perfect shop. Well...the perfect shop didn't have the perfect gift, because they had discontinued it, but we found another perfect gift. It's really really cool...we asked the cashiers opinion (it seems everyone loves Rie, she totally talks to all the sales people and everyone just wants to help her) about it, and she said it was cool, and that someone had just bought one yesterday for their boyfriend, and we're like "ooh good that's what it's for!" Gama says it's cool...his opinion was "yeah, I'd want it if I was 17, actually I want it now and I'm 29" was a good idea. I'm not going to say what it is yet because I don't know if he or Trevor or someone reads it, and I don't want him to find out. Cuz it's supposed to be a surprise you know.

So...I know you're *dying* to know, what did I buy? Well, 2 pairs of hair sticks, they're silver. One has a very thin rod, with a little silver flower on the end, very classy and chic. The other one is a wider stick, and it's just a silver stick, but it has part of the middle gone...hard to explain, but it's cool. And then of course I got the thingy for Biscuit, and I got the blue/silver skirt at Allston Beat, and to match that a black tank top that has a zipper across the chest and a little lock at the neck. At Urban we got a black tank that had little lacy stuff around the arms and neck, and a spaghetti strap that is just dark blue lace. It's very very sexy, I can't wear it to school unless I figure out some way to do it...I figure I can wear a black tube top underneath, but...I still need straps. Maybe a shrug or something, I don't know. A long denim skirt (which I usually don't like, but it actually looks sorta good on me), a knee-length black skirt with light blue stitching, a pair of burgandy drawstring pants, they're almost like PJ pants but nicer, very loungy. And I think thats bag's in the other room where my uncle is sleeping. I spent a grand total of $230, which is much more than I wanted to spend, but...I think it was worth it.

Then we came home, and watched Funniest Home Videos in spanish (don't have cable you know...), Rie went to the store to get some steak, I was falling asleep on the couch. They woke me up to eat, and I just remember thinking "mmm, that's good steak" and then I went back to sleep. I talked to my parents...when my uncle asked me if I remembered I told him I didn't, but he told me about what I said and now I sorta do. My dad was on the phone first, he asked me questions like what was I doing, I told him I was sleeping...he asked what else, I said I had been working out and shopping. My mom came on the phone, she said she had called me, I told her I called her (not a lie), she asked me what I had done...I said " with Rie", she asked when I called, and I distinctly remember this "noon, no no, noon your time, no wait, 1..gama was it 1? no he says 2, no I mean 9 your time, no no no it was 11 your t ime..I don't know". I was really really groggy, I was literally falling back asleep (it was like, 8 pm, normally I go to bed at 1 but I had gone at 7, so I was tired you know...) and that was that. The good thing is I didn't really have to talk to her, and I hardly remember it, so I won't have to talk to her for a while.

It really kind of sickens me. She calls me and leaves messages about how she misses me and am I okay and blah blah. But...she doesn't give a shit when I'm home. Last summer I was here and I told her all we were doing (sushi, learned how to shoot a gun, went to NYC) and she was like "ooh...I wish I was there, you're doing all these things without me". Well...she had 14 years with me and she never wanted to do anything like that. She doesn't want me when I'm there but when I'm not she misses me soooo much, and I think it's just sick.

Exile...Exile! If you know what I'm talking about then you know exactly what I feel when I say that. For those of you that don't, Exile is the third in the Myst series. They are the hardest games you will ever play. The people spend YEARS putting it together. It's hard because you don't know what you're doing, and you're just going around in these worlds not knowing what you're doing. My uncle said it best when he said "it's like you're working really hard towards a goal, like you're training like an olypic athlete, but you have no idea what you're doing or why, you don't know what sport you're going to play". I didn't want to play at first because I remember this game...I remember when my brother bought Myst and him and my dad would spend hours and hours playing. I tried to play, but it was just too hard. uncle pointed out that I was like, 11 or 12 when I was doing that. So, I try, and I like it. I actually got farther than my uncle and Rie (they're playing together), muwahaha. He was surprised, he didn't think I'd like it, and he didn't think I'd get so far. But...they caught up while I was sleeping. And then he's sleeping and I played for an I'm farther than them, but I'm stuck. I accidently-on-purpose broke this bridge, so I can't get back to where I want to be, but nothings there anyway and I think I was supposed to break the bridge. So...I'm just stuck, no where to go, I just walk aimlessy pulling shit. But it's a really fun game, not for people who have no free time. I played for 2 hours and really didn't notice it had been that long.

Oh, and I missed the party. Ben came over, he got very drunk, which is something I'd like to see, but I was asleep. And they only had 2 hard lemonades and a six pack of beer. I dont' like beer, so maybe it's for the better. Maybe we'll buy some more tomorrow. Anyways my darlin's, I'm going to go some more Exile. I really need to catch up my written journal. I don't write as interesting in there because I write all my stuff here. Maybe I'll just print out the last few days and glue it in, and then I can start again, lol. Pixie

Sunday, August 19, 2001


This is coming up a lot isn't it? Well....again I talk to Biscuit, and things are really really good and nice now. Only one problemo...I have to find a gift for him. I mentioned that I'm going shopping tomorrow, and he tells me he has a great idea. I was a bit worried, I had every right to be. He says "get me a gift, or surprise. either/or. doesn't matter. somethin' YOU think i'd like. And i'll do the same." How am I supposed to work with that? I mean, I think it's a great great idea, I can't wait to see what he comes up with. BUT (and there's always a but, isn't there?) It's really really nervewracking. What if he gives me some supercool give and I come up with something lamo? What if I have something supercool and thought out and perfect...and he gives me a key chain?'s kind of like "ahh". Fortunatly, I have a week to find him something. If anyone has any ideas, please oh please e-mail me or put them in the guestbook. I need all the help I can get. But at the same time, it needs to be something that *I* think he would like. Hmmm?Pixie oh PS, apparently blogger fixed all their problemos, and all those [Big Body] would be turned into the real original post. Guess it was a bad idea to delete them all, ehh?