Saturday, August 11, 2001

Gah

I don't think I'll be writing as often as I used to in my blog, I just don't have the time or energy, mostly because I sleep all day and eat often :) Like a kitty kat. Yesterday I went shopping with Rie for a dress (to wear in New York City) and we hit just about every store and have four dresses on hold. Today we have to go to a few more stores and then pick a dress. The dress I absolutely adore is 119 :( And I'd have to buy shoes. So...instead I think I'll probably end up getting this dress that is black spaghetti straps and is knee-length, and then it has a sheer over-dress with little ruffles, muy cute. I don't know how much it is but it's 35% off and we have another 20% off cupon, and I don't have to buy shoes. Then we went out to eat at Marche and stuffed ourselves (ceaser salad, pasta, smoothie, and a shared blueberry crepe), but it was sooo worth it. Yum yum. I was kinda worried about how the day would go...since I don't really know her and all but it was really really fun. We just talked and blabbered and it wasn't awkward or anything. oops, gtg.

Thursday, August 09, 2001

Again?? Again blogger? Again you cause me this pain? I should have taken warning from Danny because it happened to him too. Grr! Well, in the past two days I went running with Ben (the Little Man runs surprisingly fast) I've quit cross country, I'm done running, it doesn't make me happy anymore, it never did, and I suck at it. I read PURE, which is a horrible book, the writing sucked, there was no plot, the main charecter was weak. It was also triggering, because the main charecter was also a cutter. I've started eating again, eating a lot. I get hungry now so I can enjoy my food (back home I wasn't ever hungry so I just ate because I knew that I should). I finished a whole belguin waffle, back home I couldn't even finish a quarter. Gama, Jeff and I went to breakfast with Rainy, and I found myself staring out the window like I used to do so often. It's hard to break out of bad habits. I also finished reading Speak, which was a good wonderful book. Everyone should go and read it, you just want to curl up with the main charecter and stroke her hair and let her know that it will all be okay.

What else did I talk about? Umm...I talked about my dad, and my mom's birthday, and the Happy E-Mail Person who sends me the nicest e-mails, and I told you all to be good people and good in your heart. But I'm too tired to write it all now, I'll write it tomorrow maybe, or the next time I come on the computer, I don't know when that will be. Pixie

Wednesday, August 08, 2001

Boston

So, I arrived safe and sound, although a bit freaked out. I always end up next to weird people on planes. Just karma I guess. Two years ago when I left Boston I was next to this guy who had a cat. He kept calling his cat Doctor something-or-another and bending over to pet him through the bars of the pet-carrier thinga-mabobber (I have no pets, therefor I don't know what that contraption is called). Last year when I came to Boston there was an empty seat next to me, but the next seat over held this bohemian guy who was just driving around the country with his friends. He had awesomely curly hair, though. So, anyways, back to my little story. It's an over-night flight so most people are asleep, I have the window seat, two Bostonians were sitting next to me, leaving their vacation in Vegas (they thought I was in college, whee!). Eventually they both fall asleep, and then the one sitting next to me raises the armrest between us and puts up her feet, right on my lap against my legs. She was wiggling her toes into my thighs! I was just trying to read my book you know, I didn't know what to do so I just put down my book to pretend to go to sleep. Sadly, I didn't really doze off, although eventually her feet left my lap, which was good.

If you've never seen a sunrise on a plane, you are totally missing out. I thought that it was an illusion it was that pretty. The world was just black, and then there was this straight line, and then you had this scarlet red. And yellow, and green and blue. It looked like a rainbow, it really did. And then the top of the world was just this dusky purple. It was just....great.

And so I arrived, gave my uncle a hug, recieved my Samantha Smoothie, and we went on our merry way. The day was pretty cool. We went grocery shopping, got fruit. I love fruit, but...it's in high demand at my house. Usually we just buy bananas, oranges, apples, or grapes. I'm not sure why we never buy anything else, when I suggest peaches or something my mom just shrugs me off. So...I live a fruitless exsistense :( Now we have lotsa fruit, and I got my brownies. I'm eating a lot, and drinking a lot of water. I've decided my lack of appetite must have been from stress, and I was just so used to it that I never noticed. Because in the day I've been here I've already had 2 little sushi squares, 2 brownies, 2 smothie samanthas, 6 glasses of water, a chicken ceaser wrap, a peach, 3 tamales...it sounds like a lot, and it is compared to how I usually eat. I was way satisfied with my Wrap, you see, last summer I had a bad experience with a green Wrap (if you don't know, a Wrap is like, a sandwhich in a tortilla), but, I was pleasantly surprised. So see? Such little time here and I'm already happy and stress free.

I saw a lot of people today. My uncle's friend Lei came over, and she gave me a book. She is very cool, a scientist that is going to be a psychiatrist, and has been a chef. She actually went and spent a week with my abuelos, how cool is that? I slept a little while...when I woke up my uncle's girlfriend Rie was here, and she was the one who got me the wrap and a shirt. I'm going shopping with her on Thursday for a dress, and I was a little nervous because I remember her as being very very quiet, and I'm shy around people I don't know. Not to mention I don't have the magic ability my brother has to get along with people. I just feel really awkward around a lot of people. But Rie was really cool and happy and loud in the few minutes I saw her. Then we went next door to see my uncle's friend/roomate/co-worker, Jeff. He's a really cool guy, I like him, he's fun. Although he's chubbier than I remember, in that way that makes me want to rub his tummy, lol. And then the Little Man came over. The Little Man is also known as Ben, but my cousin Liz (that'd be Judy's sister, who lived in Boston for a while) dubbed him the Little Man and you can usually hear people call him that. Why? Because...he's very little. He's shorter than I am - by a large amount - and I'm only 5 foot 3. He'll be my running partner for the next three weeks, so that's cool.

And I finished reading Memoirs of a Geisha, which was a really really good book. It's just so realistic and so interesting...it just makes you want to keep reading it, and you never doubt a word of it is true. You feel like this geisha is sitting next to you, pouring you tea, whispering the story into your ear.

And that's just kinda it. I talked to Biscuit. He was not happy about my news for staying for another week. But...what can you do. I felt such a great relief when he IMed me, but...we didn't really talk much. I don't know why, but we never do. I don't know, it still felt good to talk to him. Well...I guess that's it...mmhm. Pixie

Monday, August 06, 2001

Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am

I was going to resist the urge to write in my blog until after I got to Boston, but...I can't resist. I stayed up laaaatteee last night. As in, I was awake to hear my brother's alarm clock to go off at 7:30am. I fell asleep shortly after that, but only managed 4 hours of sleep, so we'll see how it goes. I went to Barnes and Noble and picked up three books. Pure by Rebbecca Ray, just because it sounded interesting and the cover shows just this girl sitting down, well, not the girl, you just see her legs and part of her skirt and shirt and the bottom part of her arms. She's sitting in a field of dasies, wearing Superstar 2 Adidas (black and white, of course), no socks, a grey/blue short skirt, and a grey top. And that's just it, you just see her legs. I thought it was pretty cool, sounded interesting, so I picked it up. Along with Memoirs of a Giesha by Arthur Golden. The store didn't have "I Was A Teenage Dominatrix", so this was the closest I could find, and it's been recomeded by a few people I respect, s that's that. And finally Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. Again, it was recomended, and it sounds interesting, I've picked it up a few times before but never read it or bought it.

My mom paid for them all. Don't call me a spoiled brat, I came fully prepared to pay for the books, I brought 40 bucks because I know books are expensive, but I didn't want to spend more than that. The total was 37, I had out my money when my mom slips her credit card onto the counter. Very slick, my mom is. I was a little annoyed, just because these were supposed to be the books I bought and you know, when I mentioned books the first thing she asked was how much would it cost them, and look satisfied when I said it wouldn't cost them anything. Maybe that's why she payed for them, because I had every intention of doing it. Or maybe t was her way of saying goodbye, because the entire day was a good day. We went to Tony Roma's and got ribs and talked (and I found out more about family politics. I hate the way that works). We were both careful not to mention anything that might piss the other off, and it was good. My mom used to drink 2 liters of Pepsi a day when she was pregnant with me, and go through a pound of Oreos every other day which made me feel better because sometiems I crave Oreos and Pepsi too (coke, actually, is my caffiene of choice). I found out baby stuff about me...I learned to read when I was very young, I rolled my eyes at the homework my teachers gave me in Kindergarten (of course I did, I can just see my little self doing that!). I learned to write cursive when I was in first grade because I was determined to skip the second grade (I didn't. It would have been a financial strain to send me to private school, plus the possible psychological effects, plus the effects on my older bro). Matilda is a book I remember very clearly, I still love that book now. Turns out that was the book that started me off reading on my own. My mom used to read to my brother and I before we went to bed, and we got to Matilda, a longer book, with real chapters, and we'd want ohh...40 pages read at a time. My mom wasn't down with that, so that was the last book she read to us and then we learned how to read on our own. I remember I used to get into sooo much trouble for reading. I'd read in class and not pay attention to the teacher, I'd sneak a flashlight in my room to read under my covers after bedtime (and they caught me a lot too). Eventually I read by nightlight, and then I wasn't caught anymore, hehehe.

So yeah, I was a dorky kid that liked to read. So...good day. I'm doing laundry and stuff, packing, rushing about. My mom said she feels like she should be running about too. Well, so do I. I'm sitting here and I keep glancing at the clock every few minutes to see if I'm running out of time...but there isn't anything I can really do right now. I'm a horrible packer, I'll admit this now. I don't have "favorite" clothes, because I save up forever until I can splurge on things I really really like, therefore, all my clothes are favorite clothes. So it's hard for me to say "oh I'll take this, but I won't take that". Deciding what make-up to take was the hardest. In the end I'm only taking the basics...lipstick, 3 lipglosses, 3 different glitters, 2 shimmer glosses, 3 eyeshadows (they come in a stack!), mascara, eyelash brush, and I think that's it. Clothes-wise I'm taking 11 bottoms and 10 tops, plus my ballet outfit, jazz outfit, workout outfit, and PJs. And six pairs of shoes. That's right, six pairs of shoes. But they're all a necessity, that's the problem. My running shoes (gotta run), my regular sneakers (too cute and comfy), my flip flops (basic necessity), strappy silver shoes (to hopefully match whatever dress I buy), jazz shoes, and ballet shoes (for obvious reasons, and they're really small so, you know...). How do you not take a pair? See my problem. Well, I am going for three weeks, but...I've never been away with my family for three weeks so I don't really know how much I'm supposed to take. Last year I took as much and I was gone for 6 weeks. Hmm...the art of packing is one I won't get anytime soon.

Well...this was meant to be a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am kind of quick post, but as usual it turned into a rambling. I always have that problem. Well...I gotta go now...you know, laundry, shower, e-mailing myself my favorite places. That kind of stuff. Adios, I'll see you in Boston :) Pixie
Dance Dance Revolution???

Because of today's events, I've got back into the swing of DDR (and not to mention I advanced a level, yay!). And now I just realized that I have one day to play DDR before it's pryed out of my fingers for three weeks. well why don't you just buy your own DDR, brittany? Why aren't you the brilliant monkey? To buy DDR one must have a playstation or playstation 2 in order to play it on. Maybe it's big in Boston, I don't know, I'll check out ddrfreak.com and see if they have any Bostonian players and they can tell me where I can go play. Hmmm, so that's what I'm supposed to spend my 200 bucks on, ehh? Pixie

Sunday, August 05, 2001

Well, blogger messes up when I post big thangs, so now I have to split my posts in half, so you know...keep reading.
Who's A Little Piggy?

I'm a little piggy. But just for today that's a-okay. Just for today, of course. I can't believe I ate so much...I can't remember the last time I ate half this much which makes me wonder why the scale doesn't notice it either. I ate fried rice, 1.5 tacos, a bit of intestines, a can of soup (Progresso, big can). I didn't know they were intestines, okay? I only had a bite and I said "this tastes funny, what is it?". I got an answer in spanish, of course. "translate that please...oh, intestines? great, hey bro, want this?". Well, it happened sorta like that.

I woke up around 3pm today...courtesy of my mom. She was concerned because I went to bed around 2...which means 13 hours of sleep, and only the "depressed or drugged sleep that much". Well, why does she care if I'm depressed? She never cared before. And, I don't have a chance to do drugs, even if I so desired. So...her questions were left unanswered. I was woken up because we had a date at my cousin's house. You see, my family (entire family, on my dad's side) would get together one sunday a month. But then a cousin pissed everyone off and it stopped happening. However, today we had another go at it. I won't bore you with names and who's related to who by how, because there's just too many of us. I will say that there were two aunts, three cousins, 4 babies, two husbands, one boyfriend, one brother, and one mom, and you know what the sad part is? That's not even all of my dad's family that lives in vegas. There's another aunt and uncle in Vegas, and two grandparents, one cousin, two uncles, and an aunt who live outside of Vegas. And when you think about all the family that lives in Mexico...whew, fortunatly, I don't see those relatives often and therefore it doesn't matter if I know their names because chances are they don't know mine and don't speak english anyway. It's not so bad, my aunts and uncles had FOURTEEN aunts and uncles on just their mom's side of the family! That doesn't include husbands/wives/children. It's just like wow! My poor great grama...but, anyways...
so, we're at this family gathering with a lot of people, and my brother brought DDR (dance dance revolution, go buy it). And you've never seen our family so bouncy. Really now, there were always at least 4 adults standing in front of the TV playing at a time (with screaming toddlers tripping everyone). My cousin just had a baby three weeks ago and she was up there bouncing with the best of them. (my mom, who was a labor and delivery nurse for 15 years, reminded her she wasn't cleared for strenuous activity. So...a lot of the day was spent with my cousin saying "is my uterus still here!?" and she'd lie down on the floor and my mom would feel for her uterus and make sure it was nice and high. So we'd joke around "have you seen uterus? we think it fell out". Only in my family...). So, it was actually a good time. Although no one seemed to know that I was leaving for Boston tomorrow. Half of them didn't know I was leaving at all, lol. Surprisingly, Liz (a cousin who lives in Mexico and was in town for high school reunion, she doesn't visit often and spends most of her time with her friends, so...family politics) knew all about it. "yeah, Gama can't wait for you to go to Boston!". It's nice...all of the family says she doesn't keep in touch, but she keeps in touch with him, and no one says he keeps in touch, but you know what, they keep in touch with the people they want to keep in touch with. I'm sure I'll be that way too, and there will be hushed conversations about me too. Family politics.

Ahh! So much stuff to do tomorrow. I gotta do my chores, do my laundry, pack, clean my room, go to Barnes and Noble, get on a plane, lol. When I asked for a ride to B&N the first thing my mom asked was how much would it cost her. I politely informed her that it wouldn't cost her anything (because actually, it won't cost me much money either *wink wink*), and it just pisses me off that she just figures that they'd pay for whatever I want. When was the last time they paid for anything for me? Not since the last time I danced. But anyways...I guess they're sending me with 200 bucks, and they're like "don't spend it all", and I'm like, "actually, the only thing I might spend any on is a dress. I have some money, but might need to tap into it". And my mom's like, why do you need a dress. I'm like, duh, new york...broadway...show, you know. She didn't even know I was going to NYC *rolls eyes*. And she can't even admit that she's not a part of my life! "oh, is this a last minute thing?". haha, no. It's not, it's been planned for a while, even my dad knew about it.

So...what else? Umm...oh yeah. I was talking about some dance-y stuff today, and my mom was like "you miss dance don't you" and I was just like yeah and left the room. Because I was about to cry. Haha, my parents don't even get the privelige of seeing me cry. So...I started to cry, and then I got mad, because dance wasn't supposed to make me cry, but is it okay if it's the lack of dance that made me cry? I think so. I just miss it...so so much. However, I do plan on taking a few classes at Jeanette Neil, the studio where I fist started in Boston. It's been a few months since I've danced, and as much as I try to kid myself that my dancing won't be effected too much, I know that it will be. I wonder if I can even do a pirouette :( But...anyways...

my mom pointed out that I wasn't perky today. That I was less cheerful and talkative. I don't know why I'm not. I'm sure she figures that it's because I'm scared to leave or something, something stupid like that. In case you're confused, I'm not. I can't wait to leave, to get out of here, to only talk to my parents when I want to. To only have to deal with their bullshit when I want to. Yeah, I can't wait. You know, last summer I was in Boston for six weeks and I only called three times? Once was when my mom left a threatening message on the machine, lol.

I don't want to go to sleep tonight...I don't want to go to sleep any night, do I? No...but tonight I really don't. I'll figure something out. I'm nervous about my first meet. I get home on a Saturday and that Wednesday is my first meet! My parents tried to console me, my dad wrote down how much I need to be running and of what...but you know, it's not something easily combatted. You see, I don't normally get nervous about a meet. Actually, I never do, which makes me even more nervous. My dad told me that I could only run my best and that was it. But, my best isn't good enough, it never has been. Then my dad said I just had to put in the effort to reach my standards. But you know what? I've done that before, I've put in so much effort so that I could reach my own standards, and I exhausted myself. My body just got sick and tired and my cutting just got worse. I don't listen to my body when it says no. So...when they say to just put in the effort to do my best, I'm scared to do it. Because I know that I can push myself until I collapse, I've done it before. I have to force myself not to do it now. They say overtraining is the worst thing you can do to your body and to your running....but, if it's the only thing I can do to reach my standards, I don't see a problem with doing that. See, this is rational-Brittany right now, I know that I shouldn't overtrain and I should just do my best and not worry. But I know that regular-Brittany won't think that way. I was already thinking in my head how many days a week could I run? Could I manage to run twice a day? I know I can't and shouldn't...but we'll see how things pan out.

Well, I'm tired, and haven't got much else to say, so I'll go now. I miss my Biscuit, though. I want someone to hold me right now. The sad thing is I have no one. I don't even trust Fairie Chick or S. enough to hold me, and I would never ask Biscuit or Paco or anyone else to. And I'd rather die cold and alone than have my family hold me. Oh, I fed baby-Jonathen today, he's only a few weeks old but he drinks formula sometimes. My mom said that that was the only time I perked up, when I was feeding him (while of course the entire family is freaking out because no one trusts me, but I knew my mom was okay and she's seen tons of people feed their babies, so you know...). And maybe that was why. Because he'd hold onto me without me asking him to, and he's the only one that will. Pixie